A Pancake Dilemma

**Update: I am switching from posting on my blog daily to posting weekly. I was feeling overloaded and burnt out from what I was trying to do before, so I've gone through my goals and changed what I want to get done everyday. I might post more often, if I feel like it, but I want to post on Wednesdays now**

Yesterday morning, I was making pancakes for Benjamin and Ashtyn, just for fun. I had a bigger pan and I'd put a normal-sized pancake on the pan for Ben and a smaller one for Ashtyn, cooking them at the same time.

I was trying to do a lot at once, because that's how breakfast is. In a hurry, I flipped Ashtyn's pancake, then went to flip Ben's. I flipped it onto Ashtyn's pancake. It was very annoying. I tried to fix it as best I could, but it was mostly just a mess of pancake batter.

I sat down to finish my eggs, telling Ben in a grumbling voice what I did. Ben started laughing, saying to Ashtyn, "My pancake ate your pancake."

His laugh, and joke, were contagious and I began laughing too, my frustrations melting quickly away.

The experience was a small one, but it reminded me of how grateful I am for Benjamin in my life. He complements me in ways that I really need sometimes. He can always get me to laugh when I need it and helps my uptight personality relax a little. And for that, I love him.

Ashtyn's Quirks

Kids are weird. I mean, they can be really weird sometimes. Ashtyn is super cute, but definitely not the exception to the weird rule. Here are some of the funny, odd things she does:

She drinks out of her sippy cup is it's facing backwards. This makes it harder for her to get the liquid to come out, but if I rotate it so the nipple is on the bottom, she inevitably turns the other way within just a minute or two.

Ashtyn has to put her colored pencils in their cardboard box upside down. She'll start putting one in the other way, so "oh!" and switch it.

She likes to back up to things. She'll back up slowly to the wall or door and then run forward and back up again. I am still not sure why she does this.

When Ashtyn is eating in her high chair, she'll eat off her plate or bowl for a little while, but eventually, she dumps all her food onto her tray and throws her plate onto the floor.

This is one I try to stop, but she loves to drip her water or milk out of her bottle onto the floor and then lay down and lick or slurp it up. She especially loves to do this when I make hot chocolate.

Ashtyn has a portable training potty, that she doesn't yet use, to get her used to it. She loves to put toys inside of it, but her newest favorite thing to do is take the potty part out, climb inside the hole that's left, and sit in there with a toy or book.

Ashtyn also loves to climb inside things, which is normal for kids, but still really funny. The funniest is when she climbs inside my pots or pans.

Ashtyn has a barbie from the dollar store. She brings it over to me, saying "help" and "off", I take the dress off for her, then Ashtyn promptly bends the leg off. She then walks around with either just the barbie leg or with the naked, one-legged barbie.

She loves to read. Ashtyn will get a book (not a kid's book) and sit and "read" it. She also loves to take her finger and move them over the words, babbling as she "reads" the words.

Ashtyn also loves socks. One thing she likes to do that's ... interesting, is using her mouth to pull her socks off. I'm not sure why she does this, but she does.

She also talks to walls. She'll stand up on the couch or crouch down and babble to the wall, or repeat the same sound over and over again. She used to do this with tags. I remember, before she was very mobile, she'd roll over to the tag on her play mat and sit there and make loud noises at it.

She does a lot more, there's just way to many to write here, or even think of all at once. But she definitely already has her own personality, ideas, and quirks. And we sure love her for it.

My Natural Yeast Troubles

I haven't always loved to cook, but when we got married, I began (out of necessity, since we like to eat healthy and didn't have tons of money) to cook more. I'd helped my mom in the kitchen for years, because she was an amazing cook, but I was never interested in doing more than grating the cheese or browning the hamburger.

As I've learned more, I have found I actually really love to cook. One of my favorite things to do is take something delicious and make it as healthy as it can be.

A few years ago, Ben's mom got into natural yeast bread. You grow a start, a mixture of flour and water that attracts the wild yeast in the air, and use that to raise your bread. It takes a lot longer, at least six hours (for bread, usually longer), but the flour soaking in the start makes it a lot healthier. The bacteria in the start feed off the flour and sugars in the dough, beginning the digestion process and breaking down the wheat particles in a way that makes it easier to digest. The bacteria in the natural yeast also lines your intestinal tract in a way that helps your body digest other food more quickly as well, and balances out the yeast and bacteria in your body.

It's still bread, but it's basically the healthiest way we've found to make bread.

Ben's mom can make all sorts of things with it--bread, pancakes, waffles, cookies, crackers. I've tried a few of these and they've worked, but I'm still learning. It's honestly a pretty steep learning curve.

I think the main thing is that I am still learning how to feed my starter. Because it's yeast, it's alive, and to keep it healthy, you need to feed it water and flour at least every four days. You need to get it a good, thick consistency and use spring water. I'm still working on that, but I think once I get spring water, it'll work a lot better.

The bread is also the trickiest recipe, probably, because it's so important to get the dough the right consistency to make sure it raises right. I also had a trouble with the pancake recipe when I tried it, but I think that was due to my starter. I hope.

It's really fun to learn to cook in healthy ways like this. Ben and I love to eat healthy, but we also still love to have our treats and favorite foods. I love that we can find ways to still enjoy our favorite things in a healthier way.

My Love Language

According to Gary Chapman, there are five love languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, gifts, and quality time. You've probably heard of these, they're really famous. I've learned about them multiple times--in church, in almost every class for my major at school, reading other books on marriage and relationships--and have taken the test in multiple settings, including with Benjamin. 

The funny thing is, I thought after taking the test that I knew what my love language was. I thought I was a balance of physical touch and words of affirmation, with a little bit of quality time. Gifts are nice and I appreciate when people serve me, but those aren't huge for me. They're just nice additions. 

And so I read the book, thinking I wouldn't take tons away from it, but reading it because we had it. I feel like I learned so much, though, especially about myself and my own love language.

 

I realized while reading through the different love languages that mine is very much quality time. Looking back over my life and especially my marriage, I can definitely see that showing through. I think physical touch would be next, especially when combined with quality time. I also really like words of affirmation still, but again, words of affirmation as a part of quality time is really what is big for me. 

I realized, thinking about it, that this is probably one reason I love pictures so much. I love taking pictures of a moment and looking back on it, remembering the quality time I spent with those I love. I also realized that in high school, the people I felt closest with were those that I spent a lot time with. I would plan a lot of activities, especially once I started dating, and felt so much closer to my friends when we would do those things together. 

My love language explains why I love planning parties and events so much. I get to anticipate the quality time I'll be spending with my loved ones by planning all the little details. 

It also explains why it was so hard for me to date Benjamin long distance. When you're long distance and your boyfriend's love language isn't naturally quality time, it can be hard. I felt like I didn't see him very often and that I wanted to spend time with him more than he wanted to spend time with me. While this probably wasn't true, I can see with both our personalities and our love languages why it would seem that way to me when we had an hour and a half between us. 

Some of the biggest misunderstandings we've had in our marriage have come because I was looking for quality time with Ben, but our definition or expectation of that quality time was different. That's something that we're still working on, though we've made a lot of progress already. It's just interesting to see how my love language has affected those disagreements. 

I really think it's important that we learn the love languages of those close to us, especially our spouses, and learn to show love that way. I also really think that showing love in all the languages is wonderful. Just because acts of service isn't my main love language doesn't mean I don't love it when Benjamin does the dishes after I've made dishes. I still understand that this is an act of love on his part and that he is doing it to help me. Just because gifts aren't my main language doesn't mean I don't love getting little gifts from him, especially ones where I can tell he put a lot of thought into it. 

The most important thing is to find ways to show others that we think and care about them. We can find out from them what makes them feel most loved and try to focus on their love language, but really, we just need to be thinking about it. 

I Have a House of Sick Family

I woke up extra early this morning (that's one of the strange side effects of my pregnancy this time around, I'll randomly wake up at 5:00 in the morning), so I was able to get more done than I normally do before Ashtyn woke up. The fact that she slept until 8 (she wakes up between 7:30 and 8, so that's on the later side) meant I got even more done.

Both Ben and Ashtyn have had a cold these past couple of days. Ben's has seemed worse than Ashtyn's, but I could tell her body was fighting it by how much she was sleeping. Yesterday she took an almost four hour nap (compared to a normal two hour nap) and then slept from 8:30 to 8 last night.

When I got her, we sat on the rocking chair to snuggle for a minute, one of the new things we do. Usually, she'll only stay this way for about two seconds before sitting up and jabbering away to me, telling all sorts of things that I have no idea what she's saying. Today, though, she stayed snuggling on my shoulder for quite a while. Then she sat up, hugged her doll to herself, and came back to snuggle on my shoulder some more. We probably stayed that way for almost twenty minutes, something that definitely is not usual for Ashtyn.

I finally got her to let me slowly change her diaper and get her dressed for the day, between more snuggles. Then she wanted to go find Daddy, so we went into Ben and my bedroom, where Ben was still asleep because he doesn't feel well either. I lay down on my pillows and Ashtyn lay herself right down on my shoulder. She would switch shoulders every once in a while, but we stayed that way, snuggled in bed together as a family, for probably another ten or twenty minutes.

Ashtyn would have probably stayed that way indefinitely, but I was hungry and knew Ashtyn needed food, so I talked her into coming downstairs with me while I made some eggs. When I first put her in her chair, she didn't want me to put her down, but food sure helped her feel better.

I always know when Ashtyn doesn't feel well, because she wants to snuggle. And, while I hate her being sick, I will selfishly relish all the snuggles I get.

Love Covereth All Sins

Happy Valentine's Day!

In celebration of Valentine's Day being on a Sunday this year, I thought I'd share a scripture on love that I found this morning.

Proverbs 10:12 -- Hatred stirreth up strifes: love covereth all sins.

This scripture has so many implications, from God's love and Christ's love covering our sins to how we should love others and forgive them. I wanted to share a few thoughts I had when pondering this scripture.

One thing I was thinking about was a story from The Five Love Languages book, the book I just finished reading.

The author told about a couple who'd been married for years, but their marriage was not a healthy one. Both felt their emotional love tanks were empty and the husband often lashed out at his wife, mistreating her with unkind words.

She wanted to go to marriage counseling, but the husband refused, saying she was at fault, so she could go if she wanted. Some of her close friends told her it was a toxic situation and that she should get out. She wanted to, because she was unhappy in the marriage, but when she prayed, she felt that leaving wasn't the answer. She went to counseling (to the author of the book) and together, they talked about what it meant to love your enemy. She sadly agreed that her husband had become an enemy to her and that instead of love, she felt hate towards him because of how he treated her.

Then they talked together about love as an action, rather than an emotion. They worked together to find her husband's love language and she told him she was working on becoming a better wife. Then she went to work showing him love, no matter how he reacted. Slowly, he began to soften towards her and she was able to help him learn her love language.

Now, because she was willing to show love towards someone who wasn't showing love, their marriage is stronger and healthier than it's ever been.

I really love this story. I know there truly are toxic situations that you just need to get out of (and have witnessed first hand some of these), but I know the Lord will direct us as we are trying our hardest to love in hard situations.

I also love this story because sometimes marriage can be like this. This is an extreme situation, but there will be times in every marriage where you feel things are unfair or have hard feelings for your spouse. Choosing to love in those moments, when you least want to love, can be so hard, but will strengthen your marriage and your love for your spouse more than anything else. And the Lord can help us do it.

I think this scripture also applies in other situations, especially with family. Ben and I have talked a lot about this lately and we both agree that it's so important in families, where emotions and opinions and misunderstandings get in the way and can hurt feelings, to love in a way that "covereth all sins." No one is perfect, but when their imperfections hurt us, it's hard to let that go and just continue loving them. I think that, just like in marriage, God can help us in those moments to love as He would.

And, of course, God's love "covereth all sins." I will be forever grateful that He loves us enough to forgive us for everything we do wrong, because it sure is a lot. And I'm sure it hurts Him when we do those things. But He's always there for us, no matter what, just waiting to love us.

Signing Time

I have had Ashtyn watch Signing Time almost everyday for a little bit since she was very young. I used to feel guilty and worry that I was doing something wrong, because a lot of people say you shouldn't give kids any screen time at all before three.

Then one day, Ashtyn started repeating words as she watched. Then she started copying signs. Then she started doing those signs, without any encouragement from me, later in the day. It was painfully obvious to me that she was getting a lot of out of Signing Time.

So now, we let her watch Signing Time in the morning and I have basically no guilt about it. Especially since she doesn't sit and watch it, she watches it while she runs around.

It's really cute.

My Exercise Schedule

I use the 21 Day Fix Extreme workouts and I really like them. They're only a half hour, they have a schedule (that I've altered), and I'm able to do them while pregnant (they're also really easy to modify to make safe/doable as I get further along in my pregnancy). 

Monday: Plyo Day. This is jumping day. It's a lot of different kinds of squats and lunges, jumping. Right now, I feel fine jumping, but I'm not very big yet. As I get bigger, I might get an exercise band for my stomach or modify it so I'm doing just the squats and lunges without the jumping. 

Tuesday: Upper Fix Day. This is mostly arms, with some ab and back workouts. The hardest part is the push ups. I do the back exercises, but I've already stopped doing ab ones. I've read that it's not actually good (or effective) when you're pregnant. 

Wednesday: Yoga Day. Ben does this one with me. We love yoga day. It's only half an hour, so it's not very hard, but it does push me in some parts and I love the stretching. 

Thursday: Leg Day. I think this is the hardest day. It's a lot of squats and lunges and jumping squats and lunges. It has four rounds and the third round is so hard for me, after doing the other two. If I can make it to round four, though, I'm good to go. 

Friday: Dirty Thirty. That's what it's called on the DVD. It's thirty minutes of exercises combining both upper and lower body, with ten second breaks. It focuses mostly on shoulders and a little on arms, while you do a variety of squats and lunges at the same time. It's hard, but I don't think it's the hardest day. Plus, when I finish, I know I get a break for the weekend! 

Saturday and Sunday: Rest. I love only exercising during the week, and taking a break on the weekends. That means I can snuggle in bed with Ben in the morning and give my body a chance to recuperate. I think it's especially important right now while I'm pregnant, because (while I'm not pushing myself too hard, I'm careful), I really feel the workouts. 

A Not-So-Fun Adventure

Yesterday I had a case of the try-to-do-more-than-one-person-who-is-also-taking-care-of-a-one-year-old-can-do. And then, we had a disaster.

I was mostly making food. I wanted to make chicken and rice soup for lunch and give some of it to a family in our apartment complex that just had a baby. I was trying out my new bread machine with a natural yeast loaf that had raised all night and I also wanted to make a normal loaf of bread (to give away with the soup). I also wanted to try out a natural yeast graham cracker recipe and put that all together to raise all day.

My natural yeast loaf was cooling, my starter was fed, I'd pulled the chicken legs out of the broth and added the rice, and my regular loaf was raising on the counter when I took Ashtyn and ran to Smith's for potatoes and garlic (for the soup) and some cookie ingredients for a ward party Ben and I were going to later.

The trip should have only taken me twenty minutes. We're close to Smith's, I only needed a couple things, I used self check out, I was in and out so fast.

I loaded Ashtyn and our two bags of groceries into the car, got in myself, and ... the car wouldn't start. It just turned over and over.

"No, no, no," I thought, thinking of all the food I had waiting for me in the kitchen. Sometimes our car turns over a couple times before starting, so I kept trying. I pulled out my phone and called Ben, but he didn't answer (he was in the middle of recording videos).

Ashtyn was starting to get restless and someone knocked on my window. I opened the door (our windows don't open) and she asked if I needed help. We talked about the problem for a minute and she had me try pumping the gas pedal before trying to turn it on again. It didn't work.

"I think you're out of gas," she said finally. "It's turning over, so it's not the battery."

"Okay," I said, getting out of the car and holding back tears. It didn't make sense to me that we would be out of gas. Our gas gauge doesn't work, but the light that tells you if the gas is low works and we usually go about 300 miles before needing gas. We were only at 230. "At least we're right by the gas station." I gestured to the Smith's gas station. The lady agreed, giving me a little more advice as she walked away and I unbuckled Ashtyn from her car seat.

When it was our turn at the window, I asked for a gas can. The attendant looked at me blankly. I tried again, explaining that my car was right over there and I just needed to put some gas in it.

"I know what you're talking about," she said finally. "But I don't have one."

"Oh," I said. "Okay." I didn't know what to do. I stood there for a moment, not sure what I was going to do. The lady just watched me.

"We could help you push it over," someone said from behind me. There were two guys waiting in line there. "But you'll have to steer. Which car is yours?"

I thanked them and walked over to my car with them. I buckled Ashtyn back in the car seat (surprisingly, she didn't cry, I think she knew something was up) and steered the car backwards as they pushed it to a gas pump. Then I got Ashtyn out again (luckily, the day was warm) and stood in line for gas again. I hadn't brought my debit card, just cash, so I only had six dollars to put into our poor little car, but if it wouldn't start because it was out of gas, that would've been enough.

I put in the gas, buckled Ashtyn in, and dubiously tried to start the car. It still wouldn't start.

Barely holding back tears this time, I called Ben again. He answered. We talked about the problem for a moment and he suggested trying to get a start from someone. In the meantime, he called his dad.

I thought we had the cables, but I couldn't find them (they were inside the toolbox we have in our trunk), so I asked the lady pumping gas in front of me if she had some. She didn't, but she worked in the pharmacy and said she would find someone at her work and send them to me. I was basically in tears, but felt relieved that she would help.

A couple minutes later, a guy pulled up with cables and we hooked them up. By this time, Ashtyn was done with this new experience and starting crying (probably because she was still in the car while I was out). We let it sit for a minute and tried to start it, but it didn't work. We waited longer, it still didn't work. He revved his engine a few times, it still didn't work.

About this time, Ben's dad got there to help. We gave up on trying to jump it and the they pushed us back into a parking spot. The guy left and Ben's dad started tinkering. I got Ashtyn out and we watched videos of her on my phone (she loves watching videos of herself). She also got to pretend she was driving the car, which she thought was great fun.

Ben's dad couldn't figure out why it wouldn't start, so we had Ben's mom pick us up. They let us borrow their car until we figured ours out and used Ben's grandparent's trailer to tow our car out of the parking lot.

My soup was toast. Ben had seen the rice cooking, thought it was just rice, and (because it was done cooking) drained the water out. I had him put my bread in, though, so that turned out alright. We had leftovers for lunch and I put Ashtyn down for her nap late, but what do you do?

All in all, we're really very blessed. We have the money to fix whatever is wrong with our car. We had lots of family nearby willing to help and plenty of strangers wanting to help as well. And, perhaps one of the biggest ones for me, through the entire experience, Ashtyn was really good. We definitely got the better end of a bad situation.

Ashtyn's Favorite Things

Ashtyn is learning so fast! I can't even keep up. She recognizes a lot now and will name them. These are a few of her favorite things to recognize:

Family. She loves seeing family and pictures of family. She knows all their names and says them over and over again.

Jesus. She has a few books that are about Jesus and she'll grab them, saying Jesus. She also loves seeing pictures of Jesus (and pictures of other people, like George Washington, who she thinks is Jesus). It's cute.

Snow. She loves snow. If she's within reach, she wants to touch (and eat) it. She knows the sign and always does it whenever she sees snow, either outside or in a picture.

Belle. For some reason, she loves the princess Belle. We let her watch different Disney songs from YouTube after her nap, while she eats her smoothie and wakes up a little, and every time one comes on from Beauty and the Beast, she points out Belle. If she sees a picture of Belle somewhere else, she gets really excited.

Body parts. Noses, mouths, tummies, belly buttons, arms, toes, and especially eyes. She loves eyes. She loves to find body parts on different people and toys.

Cars and trucks. She loves to see cars or trucks driving by (and she knows the difference between the two). She always makes the vroom vroom noise after identifying it as well.

Boots. Boots are probably one of her favorite things in the entire world. I bribe her over to me to get her dressed by telling her I'll put her boots on. She knows the sign and if she sees her boots, she begs me to put them on her. It's really cute to watch her try to walk in them, too, because they have a little bit of a heel. She loves to find other people's boots. She likes shoes too, but a lot of times, she calls them boots.

Socks. She also loves socks, though sadly, she's beginning to grow out of this one. It's cute though.

Animals. She loves all animals and knows so many. When she sees them, she'll either say their name or make the noise they make. My favorite is when she says "potamus" (hippopotamus).

Balls. She loves balls. She knows the sign and usually, she'll say red ball (because red is her favorite color and she has a red ball).

Those are just a few, but I could probably go on all day talking about all the things Ashtyn talks about (just like she does!). And I know as she gets older, this will only get truer and truer.

A Short Husband Tribute

I've been reading the Five Love Languages book and it's gotten me thinking a lot about the relationship that Ben and I have together. Obviously we have things we can do better, every relationship does, but I think we have a strong marriage and that it is so strong in great part to Benjamin.

Ben has way too many wonderful characteristics to name them all here, but I wanted to share just a few things he does that strengthen our marriage.

*He still goes out of his way to tell me how much he loves me and how beautiful he thinks I am. I know this is something he will always do for me.

*He gives me thoughtful gifts. Receiving gifts is not my primary love language, but everybody feels loved when they know their spouse has been thinking of them. I think of some of the gifts he's given me since we met--his favorite book, paintings, drawings, coupons for date nights, a Celtic necklace--and my heart swells with love for him. I know those were all gifts given from his heart and while thinking of what I would really like.

*He does the dishes. There aren't many chores that I don't enjoy and I usually do most of the housekeeping. Ben helps the most by helping with Ashtyn while I'm doing a chore (for example, while I vacuum the stairs, he'll watch Ashtyn for me). He also helps if I ask him to do something. But dishes are something he just does, and some nights it's really nice to come down from putting Ashtyn to bed (or back when I was going to school, getting home from school or dance) and having the kitchen clean. I know he does this even when he's really tired and I always appreciate his help. He also takes out the trash way more than I do, which is nice, especially right now when it's freezing outside.

*He takes me out. We're both more homebodies than party animals, but I like to go out more than he does. I especially like to eat out a couple times a month. If it were up to Ben, we'd probably eat out maybe once or twice a year. But, he learned early on in our marriage that it was something I really enjoyed and so we do go out more often.

*He puts his arm around me in church. I know this is a silly one, but it is one that really helps me feel his love. When we were dating, he would do this every week during sacrament, maybe that's why. Now that we have Ashtyn between us in sacrament, he does it during Sunday school. I always notice and love when he does it.

*He likes my cooking, sometimes more than his mom's even, and even when he doesn't, he eats it. I think this is so important. It makes me feel like my efforts are appreciated and needed, which helps me love doing what I do.

*He tells me about his interests and ideas, even when I'm not interested in them. I love that I am part of his life, even if it means I hear about Pokemon and physics problems. It makes me feel like I am an important part of his life and that he cares enough about me to help me understand those parts of his life.

Benjamin does so much for our family and our marriage. He is, of course, not a perfect husband, just as I am not a perfect wife. I'm still learning to forgive or let go of the small things and to show the appreciation I should for what he does. I am so grateful for Ben's patience with me as I work on those, and many other, things. I am so grateful for his sacrifices (both big and small), the thoughtful acts of service, and the kind words he shares with me.

I love him so much and am eternally grateful that we are on this road of improvement and progression together. I wouldn't want to be with anyone else.

Ashtyn's Letters

Ashtyn is finally loving letters. When she was younger, I couldn't get her interested in them. She'd just play with her foam letters like blocks and didn't seem interested when I would tell her which letter was which. 

Then for Christmas, Ben's grandparents gave each of the grandchildren their name spelled out in wooden letters. Ashtyn loved them. Ben would sit with her and tell her which letter was which. It wasn't long before she knew what all the different letters in her name were. 

Ashtyn doesn't know all her letters yet, but she's learning so fast. Her favorite letters are O, S, H, and W (which she calls double). She also loves when we sign letters and will try, though she's not quite coordinated to do them all yet. 

She'll practice and learn her letters with me, but she actually loves doing letters with Ben way more. She gets really excited when he starts telling her which ones are which and if I sign one and Ben's in the room, she always looks to see if he's signing it too. 

She's such a fast learner. Children really are amazing.

Singing and Dancing in Ashtyn's World

Since basically forever, Ashtyn has loved to sing and dance. I remember when she was small, only a few months old, and she would have her fussy period in the early evening. The only thing that kept her happy was sitting on my lap, facing me, while I sang her nursery rhymes. I tried just talking with her, but she would get fussy; she wanted me to sing. And before she even started scooting around or sitting up on her own, music would come on and she'd start bobbing her head, dancing along.

Now, she loves songs. Before we go to bed, she snuggles on my shoulder and I sing to her and we both love it. We also play songs a lot on our computer to dance to. We do primary songs, Pandora, and certain pop songs (like the song Geronimo or Love Runs Out) that she and her cousin Elizabeth love to dance to together.

Her favorite thing, though, is still when I sing nursery rhymes with her. We'll do I'm a Little Teapot, Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes, and Up Down (from Winnie the Pooh). She thinks it's so funny to move her dolls' legs up and down while we sing that last one, or for me to touch her different body parts as we sing Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes.

One of her favorite things to do is find a toy and have me sing about it. She'll find cookie cutter stars and wave them around while I sing Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. It's really cute. She'll also make the gingerbread cookie cutters run while we chant the gingerbread rhyme. Her other favorite toy to do this with is her snowman. She loves to get her stuffed snowman and dance with it while we sing Once There was a Snowman.

Her favorite song is probably Ring Around the Rosies. She's loved this one since summer and learned to say "down!" at the end really early on. She now tries to sing, saying "Da da da da, ashes, ashes, down!" She loves when Ben and I do it with her and we wait to say "down!" and let her do it. It's really cute.

Her other favorite one is If You're Happy and You Know It. We do clap your hands, snap your fingers, pat your head, rub your tummy (she loves tummies now), stomp your feet, and spin in a circle. It's really cute to watch her do all of them, especially the snap your fingers (my mom taught her that and she loves doing it).

Ashtyn is such a cutie. I love seeing how fast she's learning and how cute she is as she tries to do things. It's fun that she's loves to sing and dance this much and we want to do everything we can to encourage it as she grows older.

Our New Apartment

Things we love about our new apartment: 

-The kitchen: it doesn't look super big, but it actually has quite a bit of cupboard space and having a pantry is amazing. It also is nice to be able to cook and do things in the kitchen while Ashtyn is awake without it being very much of a pain (of course, trying to accomplish anything is always easier when she's asleep, but she only sleeps so much). I love my kitchen.

-The half bathroom downstairs: I didn't think I would actually like having two bathrooms, but I love it. I love that I don't have to go all the way upstairs with Ashtyn every time I have to use the bathroom (which, with how much water I drink in addition to being pregnant, is a LOT). It's also so small that it's really easy to keep clean.

-The layout: I love that there's a downstairs, where I'm not as worried about noises waking Ashtyn up. I love that Ashtyn's room is away from the bathroom, so I can shower in the morning before she wakes up. I love this so much, especially since her room has been right next to the bathroom since she was born and the older she's gotten, the more sensitive she's seemed to it.

-The TV downstairs: When we were in Melissa's house, we had the two rooms--Ashtyn's and ours. We used ours as a bedroom, Ben's office, and our living room. That meant we had our TV in our room, in front of our bed. I actually didn't like this very much, but I love having it downstairs. One bonus is that after Ashtyn's nap, she can watch something on the TV while I cook dinner, which is really helpful.

-How nice it is: Our apartment is really nice. It's not as nice as Melissa's house was, because her house was brand new and honestly, really nice. But it's one of the nicest apartments I've seen and I really like it.

How close it is to town: Vernal basically has main street, where all the stores are. We're quite a bit closer to all of them than we were before, which is nice.

Things we don't love about our apartment: 

-The bathroom counter layout: there are two sinks in the bathroom and then the mirror is in the middle of them. Ben doesn't like this because when he shaves, the hairs get on the counter instead of going into the sink and he hates the clean up.

-Internet: we can't get internet hooked up in Ben's office. He plugs his computer directly into the modum instead of using Wifi, because it's so much faster that way. His computer doesn't currently even have a wifi card in it. We have looked into different options and it's basically going to be impossible to do it the way we want. Ben's ordered a wifi card and we're going to try that. If that doesn't work, we'll have to run a wire from our bedroom all the way to his office.

And that's about it. We really like our apartment. Anywhere you live, there are going to be little things that you don't love about it, but I really feel like we made a good choice in this apartment. It works really well for what we are trying to do right now. We feel very blessed.

As a Mom, You Just Do What Needs to be Done

Well, we're officially moved! We finally got our internet set up and working, bought all the parts we needed for our washing machine and dryer, and have unloaded all the boxes. We do have a few bigger pieces of furniture in storage that we're working on getting to our apartment and stuff to drop off at DI, but other than that and a few organizing projects, we're settled in.

The day we moved, I had an experience with Ashtyn that made me stop and think about motherhood and the sacrifices that mothers make. As mothers, we often need to do what needs to be done, regardless of the obstacles, difficulty level, or lack of desire to do the task.

We were able to move in on Wednesday, but we had to wait for Ben's brother and dad to get off work before really doing much moving. We prepared as much as possible the day before and the morning of, packing and moving what we could.

One of the first things I did Wednesday morning was take our food over to the apartment. Anything that would need to go in the fridge or freezer, I knew it would be helpful to have it all put away and out of the way before the chaos of a million boxes took over our apartment. I also knew, since we couldn't start moving until four, that making sure food didn't spoil would not be something we'd want to be doing late at night.

With Ben's help, I loaded up the car with our million bags of food, packed Ashtyn in her car seat, and headed over to our apartment. I unloaded Ashtyn and her toys first, setting her in the living room to play. Leaving the front door open, I grabbed the first load of food, dropped it just inside our entryway and went back for another.

The first load, Ashtyn was fine. She sat playing and seemed oblivious that I'd gone out to the car. She started unloading some of our frozen food, perfectly content to carry her new found "toys" around. When I went back for the second load, she noticed and, let me tell you, she was not happy about it.

I did a couple loads, as fast as I could, with her crying, and then I tried to hold her while I did a couple more loads. She was still crying as if I had left her inside and she was slowing me down considerably, so I finished the last few loads after setting her down, just letting her sit and scream.

When I finished, I sat down on the carpet (because we had literally no furniture yet) with her and just let her snuggle on my shoulder for about ten minutes. She didn't calm down at all, just screaming and screaming and I began wondering if her hands were cold from standing in the doorway and holding the freezer foods. I took her to the sink and put her hands under warm water and she did not like that at all. I don't know if it helped any, because she just kept crying.

I really needed to get the food in the fridge and freezer before it thawed out so, holding Ashtyn while she snuggled into my shoulder screaming, I began lugging the bags of food into the kitchen and then unloading them. Eventually, Ashtyn calmed down and just laid on my shoulder while I put all the food away, occasionally lifting her head to see what I was doing.

I tried setting her down a couple times, but every time I did, she immediately began having a meltdown, so I just picked her back up again. I finished putting everything away holding her. It probably took me twice as long to do everything and my arm was so tired by the time I finished. I knew I couldn't just leave the food out, though, and I wasn't about to let Ashtyn sit on the floor and scream, traumatized, while I finished.

I'm a mom, so I just did what needed to be done.

Although my experience was short lived and not a very hard hardship, it brought to my mind thoughts of pioneer women and other moms. I thought of how they trudged through snow carrying their little ones, sometimes leaving footprints of blood behind them. I thought of them having babies in their carts as they came across the plains and how many of them lost their babies but continued onward. I thought of all the things they needed to do that we have more convenient options for, like traveling, cooking, and maintaining our homes, all with little ones around.

I also thought of single moms, moms whose husbands are away all the time, moms who suffer from illness or depression, even just pregnant moms, trying to take care of their little families. They might not always feel well, want to be selfless, or feel that life is going the way they wanted it to.

But they just keep going. They keep doing what needs to be done, even when they don't feel like it. They keep being moms, because that's what moms do.

And I'm honored and scared to be counted among them. I hope I can live up to the name.