The Best Fifteen Minutes of my Day

During the first three months of Ashtyn's life, I literally thought I was going to die of sleep deprivation. And she wasn't a bad sleeper, as far as babies went. She was just a baby and I do not do well without eight straight hours of sleep every night. Go without that for three months and I'm miserable.

Because of that, I spent a lot of those first three months of her life reading and studying about how to get babies to sleep. I read blogs, books, and as many websites as I could find and I learned a lot of helpful things. I also began to see a pattern, something that everyone seemed to repeat, whether they used the cry it out method or were all for you rocking your baby to sleep every night.

If you want your baby to sleep well, there are two main things you need to do: get them on a pretty consistent schedule (what this means for you and your family, you get to decide) and part of that schedule needs to involve a bedtime (and nap time) routine.

I really wanted sleep, so I stuck to this religiously. I really wanted Ashtyn to sleep, both for her sake and mine.

Little did I know how dear to my heart this time would become.

Our routine has grown and changed a little as she's gotten over. I quickly abandoned the bath at bedtime, because I was too tired by the time bedtime came around and it didn't seem to calm her down anyways. I would just swaddle her, read a couple books to her, and sing a song before putting her down in her crib.

Now, we still read together. Then we say a prayer, sing whatever nursery rhymes Ashtyn wants, and then snuggle while I sing a hymn or primary song to her.

It's honestly one of the best things we do together. I love looking at the books and seeing how smart Ashtyn is. We giggle, count, and discover together as we look at the pages and Ashtyn always wants more when we're done. I secretly do too.

Then Ashtyn turns around so she's sitting on my lap facing me and I help her say a prayer. Then she almost always wants to say one by herself. She usually has a lot to say, let me tell you. It's always so funny to hear her "prayers".

Then we sing nursery rhymes. This is probably Ashtyn's favorite parts. She loves choosing the song almost as much as actually singing it. From "itby itby ibty" (the itsy bitsy spider) to "tall tall tall" (Once there was a snowman) to "poppy poppy window" (Popcorn popping), she gets so excited. She is so smart, she knows most of the lyrics and it's so cute to hear. When we finish, I'll say "One more time" and hold my finger up, so now she'll do that too and it's basically so cute that it's impossible to resist doing it one more time, even if we've already done it five.

Then it's time to snuggle. She used to lay her head on my shoulder, but usually now she wraps her little arms around my big belly and lays her head on my chest. She knows a lot of the lyrics to a lot of the songs I sing her and tries to sing along with me. This is my favorite part. I love holding my sweet baby close and sometimes the Spirit is so strong in the room, my heart just swells with gratitude. I have never felt a stronger or sweeter assurance of God's love or of the divinity of my role as a mother than during those precious moments, holding my daughter and sharing my testimony through music with her.

I am so blessed.

Loving Life

My life now is so different than when Ben and I were living in Orem. It constantly amazes me, when I stop and look at how truly blessed I am with the life we live now (not that we weren't blessed in Orem as well, it just seems as if life keeps getting better and better).

One of those moments for me was Saturday. Saturday morning, Ben left Ashtyn and I shortly after Ashtyn waking up to go help his grandparents chop wood. Ashtyn and I hung out all day by ourselves, eating breakfast and lunch, playing outside, having a bubble bath, and watching Elmo's World while I did some meal prepping for when the baby comes. It was a pretty normal day for us, except that Ben wasn't in the house.

Even though Ben is up in his office working a lot, it feels different to have him gone. He doesn't come down for food or to share some exciting news. We can't go up and visit to say hi. It just is different to have him out of the house.

Having him gone reminded me of when he used to go to work every day at TestOut. I remember hating to see him go and counting down the hours with him (over email) until he could come home. It was a good job and he seemed happy for the most part. We still found time to spend together, even with a newborn and him being so busy (with two jobs and school), but it was definitely a more stressful and crazy time of life.

Now, it feels as if our life is perfect at times. I know it's not, but it sure feels great to be living the kind of life that we both want. Ben loves his job. He looks forward to Monday because he gets to work. He comes down all excited about what he's working on pretty much every day and I can just tell that he loves what he does every day. I love that.

As for Ashtyn and I, we get the best of both worlds. We get to hang out all day together, doing just whatever we want. If we want to stay in pajamas and watch Elmo all day, we can. If we want to go to the library or the park, or go visit someone, we can. I love having the freedom to relax and I love having Ben around. With our soon-to-arrive baby coming soon, I'm especially grateful for that.

I love our life. There are things about life that aren't great, of course. Life is never perfect. But I have to say, ours is pretty darn close.

In Marriage, It's the Little Things

Sometimes it's easy, especially in our day of Facebook and Instagram and Snapchat, to see other people's lives and wish yours was more like theirs. This is definitely not a healthy view and I think it's especially destructive in a marriage. Instead of noticing what is lacking in your spouse, it's so much better to see the little things they do for you and feel grateful for it. 

This past week, a bad cold has hit our little family. Poor Ben had it the worst. Despite being pregnant, mine was the least bad (more an annoyance than anything, where poor Ben and Ashtyn were miserable). 

Even though Ben was miserable, he still was so thoughtful and kind to me. There were several times specifically that I noticed this and it made my heart swell with love and gratitude for the wonderful man I married. 

One such time was when we were getting ready for bed. I saw there was a roll of toilet paper on the bedside table. Ben already had a roll on the dresser next to his side of the bed, so I wasn't sure what it was doing there. I put it in the drawer, to be out of the way. 

When Ben got into bed, he asked where it was. I told him and he told me that he had gotten it for me, in case I needed to blow my nose during the night. It was such a thoughtful gesture, especially since his nose was way worse than mine. 

Another time, he went downstairs and got my water for me before bed, making sure I had it to stay hydrated. It was a small thing, but the fact that he was thinking of me and what I might need during the night when he was feeling so poorly himself meant so much to me. 

Even while he was sick, he still helped out a lot with dishes, food, and with watching Ashtyn. I'm sure all he wanted to was sit on the couch, but he still helped because that's who he is. 

Sometimes, in a relationship, grand or romantic gestures like flowers or a romantic get away are nice, but really, wouldn't you rather have a person who day in and day out thinks of you and puts your needs ahead of their own? 

I'm so blessed to have that. I know that Ben and I aren't perfect and we're always working on making our relationship better, but I'm so grateful to have someone who tries so hard for me. I love him.