Yesterday we went back to church for the first time (okay, technically we did that last week, but we went to my mom's ward and when your mom is there to help, everything seems easier). It made me acutely aware that we have two children under two.
Luckily Parker will sleep in her car seat.
And luckily Ashtyn goes to nursery no problem now.
And luckily I had Ben there to help when needed.
But it was ... exhausting.
The rest of the day, Parker struggled with naps and Ashtyn's nap wasn't a spectacularly long one. Ashtyn was abounding with energy, Parker was fussy, and I was worn out. With traveling for a week, a family reunion, and not much sleep, I felt ready for a day off.
Getting Ashtyn ready for bed, I lost my patience. I snapped at her, which she brushed off with a laugh, and passed her off to her dad with some hard feelings. I fed and put Parker down, feeling guilty about Ashtyn. My patience has been too short with her of late.
I put Parker down, cleaned up the house a little, and had just finished making myself some food when Parker started crying. I was so tired and hungry, I just turned the baby monitor off. I planned to check on her, and calm her down, if she was still crying when I finished my food. With the monitor off, though, I couldn't hear her and forgot.
Ben said something about her going back to sleep, that letting her cry a bit had been good. That's when I remembered the monitor was off and found her still crying. She had spit up, soaking her clothes, and worked her way out of her swaddle. Feeling like a terrible parent, I changed her clothes, wrapped her up, calmed her down, and put her back. She went right to sleep, which made me feel even worse, because she probably would have done that earlier if I'd just checked on her.
I went downstairs and Ben gave me a long hug, letting me talk about how hard my day had been. We were able to go up to bed together and whisper until we fell asleep and I felt like a weight was taken off my shoulders. I feel so grateful to have a husband I can count on to help with the kids, support me emotionally, and be my best friend, even on the hardest days. I also feel especially grateful to my own mother, who went through the downs of parenthood without that sort of help there. I don't know how she did it, but I will be eternally grateful to her for pushing through.
Two under two is intense, crazy, busy, fun, exciting, and hard. You have days and nights full of tears (from both the kids and the parents), a house full of diapers and laundry and laughter, and a heart overflowing with love. I will always be grateful for my two under two (though if you ask me that at one this morning when I'm awake with the baby again--or still--I don't know what my answer will be! Just kidding!).
