Doggies in Heaven

Last night was a crazy night. Ben's cousins are in town and we had some miscommunication that resulted in me taking the kids home alone and getting them to bed late. I was feeling frustrated and the kids were both tired. By the time I was reading and singing to Ashtyn, my patience was worn and Ashtyn's behavior was showing that she felt it.

We read and were singing. I started singing "Mother, Tell Me a Story." She knows most of the lyrics and started singing along with me, but she was sort of crying while singing. I knew I didn't want to leave her like that, so I stopped singing and, inspired by the song I was singing to her, had her sit up and look at me.

"Ashtyn," I said, "did you know that you used to live in Heaven with Heavenly Father?"

She looked at me and her eyes grew wide. "Uh huh."

"And then he sent you to Mommy and Daddy. We're so lucky, aren't we?"

"Uh huh."

I talked with her some more about heaven and then I said, "And someday we will all get to go back to heaven and live with Heavenly Father again. You and me and Daddy and Parker!"

Her eyes got wide again and she went, "ah!"in an excited way. Then she said, "And the doggy will come!"

I laughed. "Do you think doggies will be there too?"

"Uh huh," she said, still excited. "The doggy will come!"

We sang a couple more songs, both much more relaxed and we were both happy when I put her in her crib. Stopping to talk like that was the best thing for both of us.

I am so grateful for the small moments like these that I have every day with both Ashtyn and Parker. I so blessed.

Mom and Dad, A Team

To put our kids down to bed, I put Ashtyn down at her nap time and Ben puts her down at night while I put Parker down. We started this when I was still feeding Parker to sleep. Now I feed her earlier and do a little routine with her (same as with Ashtyn). 

Last night, I finished with Parker just as Ashtyn was down getting her teeth brushed. I knew Ben was tired, so I offered to do Ashtyn's routine as well. He asked her who she wanted and she laughed, then said "momma" (no surprise there). 

I picked her up and snuggled her on the rocking chair and Ben came over for a little kiss. When he asked for the kiss, though, Ashtyn realized he was leaving and puckered right up. We asked if she wanted us both to stay and she instantly agreed. Ben sat on the floor in front of the chair while I read her books. 

Ashtyn thought this was the funniest thing. She kept looking at him and laughing her head off. This continued as we sang her a few songs. Then I wrapped her up in her blanket and picked her up to give her a kiss. Ben came around the other side and hugged from that way. 

Standing there, loving on our daughter, seeing her face as she looked up at her two parents, the importance of marriage and two parents (a mother AND a father) and family really hit home for me. The Proclamation to the Family has it so right and I've never felt that stronger than now that I'm a parent. 

Kody

I am feeling really sad today.

A few years ago, I was able to go on my stake's trek as an aunt. I was originally supposed to go as a ma, but circumstances changed and they needed me to fill a different role. I was really disappointed by this and hadn't really wanted to actually go any longer. On the bus out, I sat next to one of the kids in my family, Kody. He was seventeen and one of those kids that hadn't wanted to come to trek but was there anyways (because of parents or leaders or whatever). We started talking and during the rest of the trek, I tried to watch out for him. We really seemed to connect.

At the end of trek, he wrote me a note, telling me that he was really glad I'd gone on the trek. He told me he probably would have been a trouble maker and not gotten much out of trek if I hadn't gone. As it was, I'd helped him have a really good experience there. I was so happy.

I sort of tried to stay in touch with him after, but it didn't last long. I only had Facebook as a way of contacting him and most of the time when I'd message him, he wouldn't answer. I did see him a few times and I let him know that I was thinking of him.

Then about a month ago, he messaged me. He was wanting to talk, about the church and different things. He shared some of the hard things he had going on with his life and we would talk on Facebook sometimes. It wasn't very long ago that we talked.

Then today, as I was scrolling through Facebook, I saw that he died. I don't know details, but I have guesses from what I've seen on Facebook. The situation is really sad to me, because when we would talk, it seemed like he was trying really hard to get back on the right track again. I was actually thinking about things from General Conference to talk with him about earlier today. Now, I can't.

It's just so sad. He was so young. I wish I could have done more for him.

I honestly didn't know him for very long or very well. I felt like I knew him well, though; we just sort of clicked in an immediate way. I want to remember him, though. I want to remember how much it meant for us to go through our trek experience together. I want to remember that when he was trying to get his life on a better path, I was one of the people he reached out to. And I want to remember him and do more to reach out to those around me.

Because you never know when one of them will be a Kody, needing your help and your love.