Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
I really liked the premise of this book--which was the importance of setting healthy boundaries in your life, but I honestly didn't like the actual book. I thought it was too long; they repeated themselves needlessly and added things in that are simply obvious (for example, they spent a few paragraphs in more than one place in the book on how our skin is a boundary, duh). It was also very Christian, and I felt they pushed that too much. Some of the time when they were referencing scriptures, it felt like a stretch, that they just wanted to reference more scriptures and it didn't actually back up or fit with what they were discussing.
That being said, I did think it had some good points and ideas. One idea that I saw throughout was to try to find a win-win solution. If somebody asks you to do something and you don't want to do it but say yes, that's lose-win. If you coerce somebody into doing something they don't want to because you can't take no for an answer, that's win-lose. Win-win is best for everyone, even if it's not always easiest.
Another thing that I have a problem with that I recognized from this book was that you shouldn't say yes now if you won't want to do it later. I do this often, where I say maybe or just don't do something because I didn't want to do it. Instead, I should tell whoever it is right from the get go and be honest about what I am able and want to do. An example is when we first moved into our current ward. There was a lady who wanted me to take a turn to set up a play group with the kids in our ward. Ashtyn wasn't even 18 months yet and I was heavily pregnant with Parker and I didn't want to do it. I came up with some excuses, she found some solutions to them, and I said yes. I still didn't want to do it, so I came up with more excuses, texted her, and told her I couldn't do it. I should have just said no in the first place. It was fine for me to say no and I didn't need an excuse to. However, it wasn't fair for me to say yes and then back out of my commitment.
Secrets of a Homeschool Mom by Jamie C. Martin
This book touched on the idea that we've been taught all our lives that education is complicated. It takes billions of dollars and a variety of experts and still can't be "fixed." But education isn't complicated. The simplest of educational methods are actually what work best for teaching kids--teaching them to think, teaching them to love learning, teaching them to become the kinds of adults that we want them to become. I love that idea.
It's more about the atmosphere you create--one of inspiration-- than the curriculum you're using to teach your children.
I love this quote:
"Few people fit within the confines of one singular type of learning. Through
homeschooling, we piece together what we find and love, and create something new. We
merge and blend to discover exactly what works for us."
An Unschooling Manifesto by Maria Taviano
I've been looking a lot more into unschooling because I agree with a lot of their ideals. Unschooling focuses on interest led learning, where the child gets to decide what and how they learn. It's very unstructured and believes the best learning happens in real life when the learner is passionate about the subject. I really believe all that as well, but I am not as unstructured as a true unschooler and I also am not going to let all of my children's learning be up to them. There are some things, like choosing readaloud books or initiating projects, that I will be in charge of sometimes. However, I do want to make sure (especially as my children are elementary age) that everything we do is something they are enjoying. That way they will learn to love learning, reading, and books.
This book was basically the journey of one unschooling mom and I really enjoyed it. Her book was well written, she knew what she was talking about, and she was able to articulate the benefits of unschooling very well. Reading it made me want to unschool, until I read their daily schedules :)
Some quotes:
"I don't want us scurrying around like headless chickens, trying to cram everything on earth into one short lifetime. Especially stuff that's not important." I love this because it touches on the idea that we simply cannot do or own or see or experience everything and neither can our children. We need to be intentional about what we put into our lives and the lives of our children.
"You've heard the saying, 'Is this beautiful or useful?' I think it can apply to things we do and learn." I think a lot of expectations for early education is all about what we think kids need to learn, but sometimes that's arbitrary. Besides basic math and reading (the building blocks for life and learning, most of which can be learned through everyday life and reading to your children), do they really need to learn about specific things or memorize facts? If they don't want to learn it now, they won't learn it and if they want/need to learn it later, they can learn it then (and be more motivated to learn it, meaning they'll not only learn it faster and less painfully, but also retain more of what they are learning). That is the number one thing I love about unschooling--the idea that when we are learning things we are passionate about and that relate to our real lives, we really learn them. We don't need to be forced or coerced into it. And if we wait until our children are truly ready to learn something, it will be a fantastic experience for both us and them and leave us both better for it.
Last quote, I promise. "Learn how to learn anything and then no matter what the world is like or what the job force requires a decade from now, you'll be able to adapt and learn it."
Unschooling Rules by Clark Aldrich
This book was highly recommended in the previous book, but I actually didn't like it. The author didn't seem to know what he was talking about and most of the time, didn't back up what he was saying. For instance, there was one part of the book where he said that playing video games gives children the same educational benefits as reading ............... which is not true. It's true that video games can be educational, but they are not the same as reading.
I've found that no matter how much I don't like a book, though, there's still a lot I can get out of it. Here are some of the "rules" he listed that I really connected with.
There are different kinds of learning--learning to know, learning to do (for instance, trade schools), and learning to be (who you are as a person, etc.). All are important at different times in our lives.
"People unschool to learn most of their knowledge during most of their lives" (for instance, if you run into a problem disciplining your child, you'll research about that problem specifically, not study textbooks on general knowledge).
"To learn something new, a student has to do something new and often be somewhere new."
"Unless what you learn is reinforced very soon, you will forget most of it anyway."
"Building is the opposite of consuming." When children are building something, it might look like artwork, writing in a journal, building a fort or dam, or cooking. When they are consuming, they might be reading or watching something. The idea is to let children build more often than they are consuming.
"By design, public schools rely on a motivational and management system in which there must be winners and there must be winners." This is because schools have an atmosphere of comparison, which fights against creating in students an abundance mentality and to look for win-win situations.
They Knew the Prophet by Hyrum L. Andrus and Helen Mae Andrus
This was the book I read before bed this month. It's a compilation of personal accounts from people who knew Joseph Smith and was a very interesting read. I definitely would recommend it.
I felt this quote summed up quite nicely what all the accounts had to say about Joseph Smith: "He boldly and bravely confronted the false traditions, superstitions, religious bigotry, and ignorance of the world--proved himself true to every heaven-revealed principle--true to his brethren and true to God, then sealed his testimony with his blood."
It's Okay NOT to Share by Heather Shumaker
This is my newest favorite parenting book. If you only read one book on parenting, I think this should be it. I LOVED this book.
The book is based off the idea that all children and all parents have rights and all of parenting (rules, discipline, handling conflicts between two kids) uphold those rights. The golden rule is if it's not hurting somebody (which includes feelings) or property, it's okay.
There's way too much in this book to cover it all and explain it right. It's a book you just have to read. It has really changed the way I view parenting though. I'm more patient, I try to give more control and responsibility to Ashtyn (or teach her in a way that will help her take responsibility later). It's changed the way I view my primary class and helped me actually enjoy my calling more. I really love the idea of figuring out all the individual problems that come up through the lens of my children's' rights. I also loved how much practical and specific advice based off those rights there was all throughout the book.
Mockingbird by Kathryn Erskine
This is a book that I've seen on a lot of book lists for elementary school kids, so when I saw it at DI, I bought it and decided to read it. I loved it! It's about an autistic girl whose brother is killed in a school shooting and how she, her father, and her entire community heal from that horrible experience. It's beautifully written, you fall in love with the characters, and you're able to follow the characters' growth and healing journey throughout the book. I literally read it in almost a day, I could hardly put it down to go to bed. Also, every time I saw it on a book list, it reminded me of To Kill a Mockingbird and that book/movie is actually a big part of this book, which I loved, because I LOVE To Kill a Mockingbird!
