I recently found a list I'd made when I was younger of qualities I wanted in my future husband at the time. I thought it would be fun to see how Ben lives up that list ;) This list is word for word, written in high school.
1. He has to have a recommend, not a record ✔
When we read through this list when I found it, Ben didn't realize what I had meant when I said record. By record, I meant with girls (as in, a player). Ben fits both these, in that he had/has a temple recommend and was very careful with girls' feelings when he was dating.
2. Temple worthy (Salt Lake Temple) ✔
I think I meant I wanted to get married in the Salt Lake Temple (in high school, that's what I thought). While we didn't choose the Salt Lake Temple, I'm so grateful Ben took me to the temple and continues to honor his temple covenants.
3. Returned missionary ✔
This one is pretty straight forward. I love that Ben served a mission and we're excited for when we can visit Rio De Janeiro together soon. I know that his mission made him a better person and helped prepare him to be a husband and father.
4. Love me with all his heart ✔
I feel so blessed to have a husband who loves me and makes me feel loved. Ben works everyday to make sure I know how loved I am.
5. Tell me that he loves me ✔
Pretty similar to number 4. Ben does this and more.
6. Hold my hand ✔
When we were reading through this list together, we had to laugh at this one. Ben does hold my hand now, but when we first met, I despaired of it. I gave all the hints and he was oblivious to that. He just kept thinking how much he wanted to kiss me. Finally, I held his hand and he kissed me and all was well.
7. Good kisser ✔
Hahaha. Yeah. All I can say is, you guys can all be jealous ;)
8. Make me laugh--a lot ✔
This one is for sure Ben. He is the goofiest guy sometimes and tells the best Dad jokes (he was telling Dad jokes before he was even a Dad). I love how often he makes me laugh, even when we're just hanging out doing nothing.
9. Laugh with me ✔
Again, similar to number 8. I love how often we can laugh and joke together.
10. Get along well with my family ✔
Ben definitely does this. I think my mom has liked Ben since the beginning. He and Jon have only gotten to be better friends since we got married and we always love the time we spend with Eric and Alison.
11. Katelyn has to approve ✔
It's always so funny to look back and see what was important to you in the past versus now. When I was in high school, friends were all important and I couldn't fathom a time when that wouldn't be the case. Katelyn was one of my best friends. After high school, we didn't stay best friends, though I still love her and always will. We've gotten together a couple times since then and I know she's happy for me just as I'm happy for her.
12. Respect me and his mother ✔
One of the things I loved about Ben when we first met was the way he treated his family. He has always treated his parents with respect and his siblings with love. I knew that he would make a great husband and father by watching his interactions with them, and I was right. He treats me and my children with love, compassion, and respect.
13. Easy to talk to ✔
I love talking with Ben. We share pretty much everything with each other and I wouldn't have it any other way. Sometimes we still have nights when we stay up way too late because we simply got talking. Early in our relationship, this part didn't come quite as naturally and is one of the reasons we broke up. While we talked as friends during those eight months, we became better friends and by the time we got back together, we were comfortable with each other in a way we hadn't been before.
14. Good texter X
We laughed and laughed at this one. I wouldn't necessarily describe Ben as a great texter. When we were long distance, he would often not answer or take a long time to get back to me when texting. But when I wrote this, I was probably thinking more along the lines of the guys who would answer with one word texts. The WORST were the ones that would answer with one word texts but then want to keep texting. I absolutely hated that. And Ben has never done that. Besides, now that we're married, we can just talk every day instead of texting every day.
15. Put up with me when I'm hyper ✔
It's so funny to me that this is on my list. It also makes sense. I could get pretty crazy in high school and even college. I think having kids has mellowed me out (though I'm not sure if that's just maturity or the sleep deprivation). Either way, Ben did put up with my craziness enough to marry me and he still puts up with my many moods. I love him for that.
16. Good with kids/want lots of kids ✔
Ben is so cute with kids. In fact, it's one of the things about him that I first started liking--his relationship with Brynndi. I love watching him with kids, especially our own. He is a sweetheart and gets really goofy. He is the best father I could ask for, for my kids.
As for wanting a lot of kids, before we got married, we talked about how many kids we each wanted. At the time, we both wanted six. It was perfect. Then we started having kids and both decided we actually wanted four. Perfect again.
17. Love to read ✔
This is very true of Ben. Reading is something that we've always both been interested in. I have very fond memories of talking about Brandon Sanderson books when we first started dating and reading/writing is something that built our friendship during the time we had broken up. Now, we both still love reading and talking about Brandon Sanderson books, writing and doing writing group together, and listening to audiobooks on long car rides. I also love that he reads to my children and helps me create a literary environment for them to grow up in.
18. Love roller coasters (or at least endure them) ✔
Hahaha this one is really funny to me too. I don't go to amusement parks often, but I do love roller coasters. My sweet husband does not love roller coasters (something I didn't realize until after we were married, though it wouldn't have changed my mind if I had), but he does endure them for me.
19. Be a good Mormon
I really have no idea what I meant by this. I think I was probably trying to say something like, be a committed member of the church or something. Ben is. He is faithful in his calling and always willing to serve others. He is a Christlike example to me and to others.
20. Like the same music as me ✔
Again, I'm not really sure what I meant by this. I guess music was a lot more important to me in high school than it is now. Regardless, I do think that Ben and I enjoy a lot of the same music and we have many songs that we love to listen to together.
21. Live in Utah when grown (BYU?) ✔
I always knew growing up that I wanted to live in Utah. I wanted to live close to my family, which was a point against Ben when he was wanting to live in Vernal by his family. When we got married, we actually had decided to live closer to Salt Lake (we were considering Lehi or Herriman area at the time), but when we moved to Vernal for financial reasons, I fell in love with it. We also loved being close to his family. Who knows where we'll eventually end up though!
I am guessing the BYU in parentheses was about me wanting to go to college there. I had a strong desire to go there and be on their dance team when I was in high school. When I was in college and Ben and I were dating, I decided to give up on that dream in order to go to school closer to Ben. When we broke up, I decided to apply to BYU and got in--I actually got my acceptance letter the same day I got the letter from Ben telling me he wanted to marry me. It meant a lot to me that Ben would support me in my dream of going to BYU and even though I never was on their dance team, I'm so glad I was able to experience BYU and the classes (especially the dance classes) they have there.
22. Let me drive/pay sometimes ?
This was way more important to me in high school as well. I had a rule that if I asked a guy on the date, I paid (I still think that was a good rule). I don't remember Ben ever having me pay or drive when we were dating, but he also made me feel so loved and respected with how much of a gentleman he was--never condescended to. Plus, now his money is mine and vice versa, so I don't know how much this one applies anymore.
23. Gentleman ✔
Ben has always been a perfect gentleman. I remember him walking me to my car when I would visit his apartments. He never let me go without walking me and as we walked along the side of the road to get to where I parked, he made a point of walking closest to the road. He always opened my car door, even when we weren't on a date. And he wasn't just a gentleman to me. He has always been so thoughtful of others' needs and how he can help them.
24. Go out of his way for me ✔
Ben does this everyday. I know he loves me because he finds so many ways to show me. He leaves me notes and listens when I talk. He supports me in my creative endeavors and is truly a partner in parenting. He loads the dishwasher every night and takes out the trash whenever it's full. He works hard for me and with me.
25. Take the initiative ✔
I'm not sure what I meant by this one either. I'm guessing maybe things like planning dates? Which Ben does. We used to switch off who planned dates each week, but now we have a system where we plan the date together each week and it works really well. Ben is always ready with ideas and willing to help me make the date happen. It's important to me that date night is important to Ben.
26. Know how to dance/like dancing ✔
When we first met, I don't think Ben knew a lot of dancing, but he did know a little. And we've always enjoyed dancing together. The night we started dating officially, he took me out dancing. We learned West Coast Swing, but during the free dance afterward, I remember doing the cha cha together too. Our first kiss happened while slow dancing. After we got married, we have had the chance to do dance classes together and Ben even learned Irish step dancing so he could do couples dance with me. I love that he enjoys dancing!
27. Like to sing ✔
Not only does Ben like to sing, but he is so good at it. I remember when I first started liking him, he was sharing songs he'd sung on YouTube. I loved watching those. Right before we started dating, he asked what my favorite song was and learned it on guitar. When he proposed, he sang a song he had written for me (he'd written it when we first met, but I hadn't ever heard it until he proposed). I love his musical talent and hearing him sing.
28. Be totally honest ✔
This perfectly describes Ben. I don't know what exactly I was thinking when I wrote this, but Ben has always made a concerted effort to be totally honest about his feelings for me, even when it was hard (like when we broke up). In other areas of his life, as well, his integrity is an example to me.
29. Follow the rules (for guys about girls) ?
I literally have no idea what I meant about this.
30. Flirt fun with me ✔
Ben and I have always had a lot of fun flirting with each other and still do.
31. Be my best friend ✔
Ben is unequivocally my best friend. When we were first dating, we weren't as good of friends (there were a few factors, including the long distance, my insecurities, and Ben's indecision). We became a lot better friends after we broke up and have only grown closer since.
32. Hold me when I'm cold ✔
Ben does this 💗
33. Watch me (when I let him) ✔
I think what I meant by this was the way Eugene watches Rapunzel during the lantern scene. The "when I let him" part is maybe because I was insecure about it or something? I'm not sure. I actually don't know if Ben does this, but I know he did when we were first married because he told me hahaha
34. Have lots of inside jokes with me ✔
Inside jokes have always been really important to me and Ben and I have always had a lot of inside jokes together. Even when we were first talking, when we were first liking each other, we had a lot. I've always loved them.
35. Be able to talk to me ✔
I'm so grateful for the relationship that Ben and I have. Some of our most precious memories together are when we have been able to simply sit and talk. I'm so glad Ben shares so much with me.
36. Not be grumpy ever ?
Wait, this was on my list?? Hahaha no. Everyone is allowed to be grumpy sometimes. Though, Ben isn't grumpy too often and when he is, he never takes his feelings out on me.
37. Know when I'm joking and when I'm not ✔
I don't remember what I was thinking when I wrote this down. I'm guessing there was a person who didn't understand my jokes or something, I'm not sure. Regardless, Ben can tell.
38. Do things with me (cookies/mall) ✔
It makes so much sense to me that this is on my list. I didn't know about the love languages when I was in high school, but my top love language is quality time. I love that Ben makes an effort to do things with me and that he enjoys spending time with me.
I have no idea what I meant by the parentheses part.
39. Want to spend time with me ✔
This is basically the same thing as the last one? So yeah, he does.
40. Explain the football game to me ✔
It makes sense that I made this list in high school, since that's the only time I was actually going to football games. We've never gone to a football game together, but I'm sure he would explain it to me if we did. He is good at explaining things :)
41. Smart (good grades/college) ✔
Well, Ben is smart. It's funny to me now that I equated this with good grades and college. Not that Ben couldn't get grades, but my measure of intelligence is so much more than this now. I think Ben is one of the smartest people I know.
42. Hardworking ✔
I am grateful for the work Ben puts in everyday to provide for our family and to serve us outside of his business.
43. Family-oriented ✔
Again, this feels really similar to past ones. I could have probably consolidated this list a little. But yes, Ben is very family-oriented. I know because of his actions that our family is one of the most important things in his life.
44. Be romantic with me ✔
Ben isn't necessarily traditionally romantic, but he's so much better. He is romantic in the remember-little-things, understand-what's-important-to-you, everyday ways. He knows how to make me feel like the luckiest wife in the world.
45. Able to problem solve ✔
Ben fits this one perfectly. Ben is a big picture thinker and great at solving problems. He is also always reading books on how to get better at this. It's part of what makes him great at running his own business.
46. Be friends with Jeremy ✔
Nailed it 😂 we met because of his friendship with Jeremy.
47. Be cute (mm nice eyes) ✔
Why yes, my husband is very cute and has gorgeous eyes.
48. Be happy when he's with me ✔
Wow, I'm setting my standards high here 😂 Ben and I are always happier when we're together.
49. Understand me when I'm weird ✔
Well, it makes a lot of sense to me that I have this one. And I don't know anyone who understands me better than Ben does.
50. Love me as much as I love him, love the Lord, have faith, be the best he can be ✔
I really packed a lot into this one. I will say Ben does all these things. I look up to him so much for the person he is and he inspires me to be better.
51. Have a high self-esteem ✔
This was probably a big deal to me in high school because I was still working on it myself. I feel that my self-esteem really grew in the period after Ben and I broke up, in college. Ben has a healthy self esteem though.
52. Be able to talk about things other than how much we love each other ✔
Hahaha. I have no idea what exactly I was thinking of when I put this one down, but I am guessing I had a specific example in mind. But yes, Ben and I talk about everything, including but not limited to how much we love each other 😂
53. When I do weird things, do them with me ✔
Ben has always done this and I love him for it! We've done some pretty weird things together, though not as much since we started having kids.
54. Be sarcastic with me X
Um, what? I don't know why I put this. I don't feel like I have ever been a very sarcastic person and I don't feel Ben is either. Joking? Yeah. Sarcasm? Most of the time, nope.
55. Good flirter ✔
Again, this was already covered in previous ones, but whatever. He definitely is. Also, reading some of our old conversations from when we were first liking each other is hilarious 😅
56. Teach me new things ✔
This one describes Ben perfectly. Back when we did our blog together as newlyweds, we even had a whole post about Ben teaching me math during breakfast. I am grateful we can learn together and that he can help me to progress and be better. There's also nothing I love more than watching him teach our children.
57. Feel strongly about things ✔
I'm not really sure what exactly I was going for here, but I'm guessing ... have things he's passionate about maybe? If that's the case, then Ben does this. I love his passions, even when they are nerdy things like Pokemon or Smash. I love his drive to become better and master skills and I love that he shares those things with me (even as we joke about how much he'll talk about his current phase).
58. Stick to his standards ✔
Ben does this! One thing I've always admired in Ben is his desire to do what he feels is right. He is a man of integrity and I want to be more like him in that way.
59. Have intelligent conversations ✔
This one is so funny to me now, though I think it's important for marriage still. I love the conversations that Ben and I have. We're both high in the character trait openness (though Ben is higher than me) and we both love to talk for hours about different topics. We have to be careful that it doesn't interfere with his work day or our sleep.
60. Not be perfect and forgive me when I'm not perfect ✔
Well, Ben is pretty close to perfect, but I'll admit he's not quite there yet. He is always working to be better, though, and I know someday he will be. And he is so forgiving and understanding of my faults. He helps me to be better each day. I don't know how I got so lucky to marry a man like him. He is patient with me and helps me work through my emotions. He will bring up things that are hard to talk about and we work through them together. He inspires me to be better and always helps me see my strengths.
I love him with all my heart, I can't imagine being married to anyone else.
