Habits and Choices

One of the most important concepts to understand in life, I believe, is the concept that we have the freedom to make choices, but not the freedom to choose the consequences of those choices. Many in the world today misunderstand this, or wish to subvert it.

I love this quote by Henry B. Eyring:
"When we reject the counsel which comes from God, we do not choose to be independent of outside influence. We choose another influence."

We are constantly being influenced. We constantly face choices. We not only have a choice in the moment, but we get to choose the things that influence those choices. Sometimes those things are so subtle, or we've just gotten so used to them, that we don't see them and feel that our choices are no longer ours; we feel out of control, and say things like, "It's just the way I am," or "I've tried to change, but it doesn't work." 

I recently read a book on habits (Atomic Habits by James Clear). It was very useful and I would highly recommend it. One of the things the book talked about was the different aspects of a habit and what in our environment influences those habits. Habits need to be obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying.

So, to create a habit, you come up with a cue (something that reminds you about the habit). This could be a previous habit (after I brush my teeth, I'm going to floss), a phone reminder, or an object in the house (Ben's cue to do the dishes at night is seeing the dirty dishes on the counter). This makes it visible so that you won't forget about the habit. I often make a phone habit, but I also try to the habit to something else, like dinner. If I do the habit enough, then I can stop the phone reminder and use the other cue alone.

To make it attractive, you have to make it something you enjoy. If you want to make a habit of eating vegetables, don't choose vegetables you hate. Choose ones you like, even if it's not salad! If you want to make a habit of exercise, choose something you enjoy. If you hate doing something, it's going to be a fight to do it every single time. That's not sustainable. It's much better to find ways to be striving towards a goal in a way that is enjoyable (or at least not unenjoyable) to you.

Then you need to make it easy, at least at first. If it's not easy, then there are going to be days you skip, maybe from day one! You don't create a habit of running by going out and trying to run 5 miles day one. You start with something easier, so that you can be consistent with it first.

One of the things about creating habits that the book talks about is, habits are about creating an identity for you. If you have habits you don't like, you probably see yourself in a certain way. If you binge eat junk food, you see yourself as an unhealthy person trying to be healthy. If you hit snooze on your alarm clock most days, you see yourself as not a morning person. If you start small habits that you do consistently, then every time you choose to do that easy thing, you are voting on your new identity. If you see yourself as a runner, it's going to be much easier to go running everyday. If you see yourself as a healthy person, you're going to consistently make healthy choices. If you see yourself as an unhealthy person (even subconsciously), then you are fighting against yourself when you try to create healthy habits. Start with something small to create the identity and the habit. Then you can add more in later.

You want to have lower expectations for the short term (a little bit is better than none, even if it's not a lot). BUT you have high expectations for the long term. You expect yourself to do it every single day, even if it's just a little bit. You have a streak, you don't miss twice (meaning if you miss running one day, you go the next no matter what), you do your goal a little bit at a time but consistently.

My goal for writing this year is to write every single day, but writing even just a sentence counts. 99% of the time, I am writing more. Most days, I write three hundred to eight hundred words and work on my writing for about half an hour before the kids wake up. But I know that there are days when I might only write a sentence, or a paragraph. There have been a couple days already where I worked on my writing for five minutes instead of thirty. And that's okay! The important thing is that I am going to work on it every day this year, and in that way, I'm going to make great progress and see myself as a writer, the type of writer who writes every single day.

The last part of a habit is to make it satisfying. This can be really simple, doing something like marking off a box in a checkbox after you do it or keeping track of a streak. After Ben and I do yoga in the morning, we reward ourselves with lemon water, which is very satisfying. One story in the book was of a salesperson who had a jar of paper clips and an empty jar. Every time he made a sales call, he got to move a paperclip from one jar to the other. That was his way of making it satisfying.

To break a bad habit, you do the opposite. You hide it. I only go to Wal Mart and do Amazon orders once a month. This is how I make spontaneous shopping invisible for myself. You make it unattractive. This is what parents are trying to do when they give immediate consequences to their kids' misbehavior. You make it hard. This can be as simple as making yourself resign into Facebook every time you open it. And you make it unsatisfying.

A lot goes into habits (I would highly recommend the book, as it goes into more depth and talks about more). A lot goes into the choices we make. I love that we are in control of so much of our lives. I love that there are tools and information out there that help us improve our lives and our choices. I know that Heavenly Father wants us to continually be improving and becoming better and I'm so grateful for His faith and trust in me to do that.