I was recently thinking about how grateful I am to have married Ben. He is the best man I know, and I still can hardly believe that I get to be married to him, almost ten years later. Today, I thought I'd break down some of the ways he shows love to me, using the 5 Love Language categories.
Quality Time is my top love language and Ben does so much to fill my love tank in this area. For me, an important aspect of quality time is one-on-one time with him. This includes time spent watching shows or even just driving somewhere. As we've had kids, I have also found it's really important to me that we spend time as a family doing fun things.
Ben and I do date night every week, where we try to do something just us, without the kids. I love that we have worked so hard to keep that time together a priority as we've had children. Sometimes we get a babysitter and sometimes we plan an at-home activity while they're in bed. My favorite date night is going out to dinner, so we do that at every few weeks.
Another important part of quality time for me is connecting through talk. This is important to Ben as well. I love that he comes out when he's excited about something at work or stuck on a problem to talk about it with me. To me, this is a sign of his desire to be close to me and it really makes me feel connected to him. I also know that he wants to hear what I talk to him about, even when it's something I'm more interested in than he is.
I love when we can find overlap in our interests. We love to talk about creative endeavors and brainstorm together. We've found art activities, physical activities (like hiking, ballroom dance, or pickleball), and creative projects that have brought us closer over the years.
I know Ben loves me because he makes spending time with me and with our family a priority. He is present when we're doing things together and shares his life with me. He talks to me about fears, frustrations, excitements, and passions. He listens as I talk about the kids, my life, my up and down emotions, and my interests.
Gifts is a close second for me in my main love languages. It took me awhile to figure that out because it's not just buying things, but it's about the thought behind the gifts. Ben works hard to help me feel loved in this area even though it's a low category for him and I really appreciate that. He leaves me notes every week. He sometimes comes home with surprises when he goes out. He thinks of special gifts for holidays that are personal and mean so much to me. Throughout our relationship, he has given me gifts of songs, drawings, stories he has written, poems, flowers, letters and notes, and treats. Every time I see his gifts even years later, it brings back to me how loved I felt when he gave me that gift.
Physical Touch is high for me, but not the highest (it might be Ben's top love language). I love that Ben is attracted to me and shows me that every day. He holds my hand and kisses me randomly. He loves to hug and snuggle on the couch. He puts his arm around me when we're at church (if we don't have a million kids sitting between us XD) and guides me through crowds gently. I know that he finds me beautiful and attractive because of how he treats me.
Words of Affirmations isn't the highest for me, but it is still important. Ben writes me notes and, in those notes, he tells me things that I need to hear. He lets me know that he is proud of me and thinks I am beautiful. He tells me he loves me every day.
I would put Acts of Service at the bottom of my list. I think it's important for Ben and me to support each other, but him doing things like housework don't fill my love tank in the same way that something like going to dinner or getting flowers does.
As we've had kids, I do think it's become more important to me (I think partly because taking care of kids can be overwhelming, so sharing the load helps me to have the emotional energy to put energy into our relationship). Even when we were dating and newlyweds, though, Ben has always served me. He always opened the door for me, helped me with my math homework, cleaned the apartment while I was at dance, and drove me places while I was learning to drive stick.
As we've had kids, he has been my biggest support. He loads the dishwasher every night because I am a morning person and get so tired in the evening sometimes. He takes out the trash when it's full and mops the floor often because it's my least favorite chore. He makes breakfast on Sundays and works hard every day to provide for our family. He watches the kids to give me a chance to write and gives me feedback on what I've written. I know he loves me because he works hard for me.
I love Benjamin and am so grateful for all he does for me. I truly feel loved cherished by him every day. I'm so glad we get to spend the rest of our lives learning to love each other better.
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