Just What I Needed

This happened awhile back, but I wanted to share it, because it had a big impact on me. This past month, I've had a few weeks that have been a bit of a struggle. I don't know if it was the stress of building our house (which is fun but also a big stress), hormonal imbalance (which is what it felt like), some sort of burn out, or a combination of all of that. I'm past it now, but it was hard.

Anyways, I was sitting in church a few weeks ago and during the sacrament hymn, I was struggling with my emotions. The morning hadn't been a good one. I had lost my temper with Ashtyn while trying to get ready for church and ended up yelling at her. I hadn't felt like a very good mother or wife and I didn't know what to do to make it better.

The song we were singing really hit me and I was feeling my Savior's love strongly. I felt the reality of forgiveness and mercy and the chance to try to be better tomorrow.

During the talks, the girl in front of me (she has two boys, both younger than Parker and Ashtyn but with a similar age difference between them) turned around and whisper asked if she could talk to me in the hall. I nodded, not thinking much of it, but then she said, "right now?" I nodded again, surprised.

I followed her out, wondering what in the world this could be about.

When I got out there, I was amazed when she turned to me, tears in her eyes, apologizing.

"What for?" I asked, bewildered.

She took a breath. "Did you see over my shoulder?"

"No," I said, even more confused than before.

"Oh," she said, with a little laugh. "Well, I'm still sorry. Let me explain."

During the sacrament hymn, Ben had been singing with gusto. He loves they hymns and has a beautiful singing voice. We can't go anywhere without some little old lady coming up and telling him how much they loved hearing him sing. This girl had known Ben since childhood and had sent a text to her mom that said, "Ben Anderson is sitting behind me. He's singing like he's in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir."

She hadn't meant it in a mean way, was going to turn around and tell him how much she enjoyed his singing. But she had turned around right after that and had seen the tears in my eyes. She was worried I had seen it and taken it the wrong way. She kept apologizing, saying that she shouldn't have sent the text.

I understood. I hadn't seen the text, but I knew she hadn't meant it in a mean way and wasn't upset about it when she told me. Then I opened up and told her how rough my week and morning had been, that I was struggling with being a good mom.

She listened and told me about the time two nights ago when she'd struggled to hold her temper with her boy. We swapped how the stages our kids are in right now are hard and she really understood what I was feeling. We stood in the hallway crying with each other and it was honestly the best thing for me. Telling someone what I was going through and having them really understand helped me, in the next few weeks, get through what I was feeling and be a better mom through it all.

I am so grateful she had the courage and compassion to pull me out in the hallway. It started off as a misunderstanding, but to me, it was the answer to a prayer.

Books I've Read - October 2017

Inkheart by Cornelia Funke 

This is a novel that I started when I was younger but didn't really get into it at the time and gave up. Now, it's in my pile of books to read. I did read the whole thing. I have mixed feelings on the book, but overall, I enjoyed it, learned from it, and am glad I read it.

I liked the characters, particularly the aunt. I liked the way they talked about books, stories, and words all throughout the book. I also loved the quotes at the beginning of each chapter, which the author pulled from other books. I thought the plot in the second half of the book was more well done than the first. I liked the ending; I like happy endings, but the author also didn't just tie everything up with a nice bow.

I didn't like the plot very much, particularly the first half. To me, it felt as if she didn't know where her story was going and that when she did, the plot drove the story rather than the character's motivation. It literally felt to me sometimes like something was happening simply so that we could get to where we needed to with the plot. That was annoying and also boring at times. I also felt like the author could have introduced her characters, skipped the entire middle of the book, and only had the last half of the book and it would have actually been better.

Your Endowment by Mark A. Shields 

This was a very well done book about getting more out of temple experiences. Using scriptures, words of prophets, and history, Shields discusses symbolism, our journey through life, and the atonement as they are connected with the temple. I learned a lot and know that reading it will have helped me with a better understanding as I do temple work in the future. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who is preparing to go through the temple or has already gone through.

The Thief Lord by Cornelia Funke 

This is a book that I knew of (I believe my mom read this to my younger brother) but I never actually read it. I must have bought it at some point (probably from DI) after Ben and I got married. I wasn't sure I wanted to read this, after my conflicting feelings about Inkheart, but I'm so glad I did! I loved it!

The story follows a detective who is trying to find two boys who ran away from their aunt and uncle and the two boys who find a band of runaway children to join up with. It has elements of magic and plays on the ideas of loyalty and childhood. I loved the characters, I loved the story, and I loved the ending. I can see why this book is such a popular one.

The Final Summit by Andy Andrews 

This is a book that my sister-in-law was getting rid of that looked interesting to me and ended up in my pile of books I own that I haven't read. It was okay. I enjoyed some parts of it, but it wasn't my favorite book.

I'll start with the positives. First, I really enjoyed the history in this. The author did a great job of bringing the famous characters to life while remaining true to real history. I especially enjoyed learning about Eric Erickson and his role in World War II because I had never heard of him before. I also felt the writing itself was well done and the ideas discussed in the book are all important and able to inspire you to be a better person (for me, the idea of self discipline even when we are having a hard time emotionally was an especially important reminder to me at this time in my life). There were some things I didn't like about the book. First, the pacing was really slow. Nothing really happened except characters talking and the tension that was supposed to be there (that they wouldn't find the answer) didn't really add tension because you knew they would find the answer the entire time you were reading the book. It also felt that the fictional parts of the book only made the book longer without adding a lot. Simply writing the history part of the story and making it a nonfiction book would have actually kept my interest better. I also didn't like the way the book portrayed heaven and angels and God, because they felt uncaring and it bothered me they would put these characters on a deadline the way they did for something so important. I know he did it for the story's sake, but it still bothered me. No Doubt About It by Sheri Dew  I know I'm super late reading this (since it was written in 2001), but I really enjoyed it. This is one of those books that I own but hadn't read before. I don't know if I ever would have read it if I hadn't been trying to read all the ones I own, but I'm so glad I did! It was inspiring and brought the Spirit into my life to a greater degree. I really enjoy the way Sheri Dew talks about womanhood, motherhood, our responsibilities in this life, and how she shares her testimony.  Expressions of Faith: Testimonies of Latter-day Scholars by Susan Easton Black This book lived up to it's title. It isn't a particularly long book, but it took me a long time to read; it's the kind of book where I like to read a little bit each day but can't read it for very long at a time. It was very interesting. The scholars had different perspectives and addressed different topics. There testimonies were powerful and it was interesting to hear how each came to know for themselves. Rumors of War by Dean Hughes  This is the first book in the Children of the Promise series and it is SO good. I have never been as interested in World War II history, until now. This book is one of my new favorites and I cannot wait to finish the series. The characters are fleshed out and I cared deeply about what happened to them from the very beginning. The tension is perfect, we know there is danger because of what is happening with Hitler (and because we know at least the framework of what happened, we know at times to be nervous than the characters, which only adds to the tension) and there is normal, everyday tension as well as the children of the family are making life decisions. The book is never intense though, and very interesting. The only parts that weren't as brilliant for me was the beginning of some chapters. Hughes wraps up what happened in the war at that time at the beginning of some of the chapters, rather than putting it into the story somehow. I can see why he did it, but it was still exposition. The book was so wonderful and I loved the themes of God watching out for us and having faith through hard times. And don't let the size intimidate you--I couldn't put the book down and couldn't believe how quickly I flew through this. It is well worth the read. Since You Went Away by Dean Hughes  This is the second book in the series and it is just as good as the first. The characters are rounded out and I've already seen character development through these two books with room for more, the history is accurate and written to be so interesting, and there is constant tension and a theme of religion and God throughout. I have learned so much and fallen in love with the families; I feel their pain and can empathize with them and the struggles they faced during the war better than I ever have before. Hughes has a way of bringing up things about WWII that I've never thought about before and give me a new perspective on today's issues. Far From Home by Dean Hughes  This was just as good as the first two books in the series. This book did have more of the actual combat in WWII, which I know was important but is not as interesting to me. It also had a lot of romance and history and character growth, though. I loved the way Hughes showed how hard the characters had it and how they didn't always just naturally want to be faithful and resilient, but still kept the themes of God and religion and human decency throughout. The struggle that Wally goes through is my favorite to read, because it is so hard for him and yet he keeps trying. I love his character development.  When We Meet Again by Dean Hughes Every book in this series is so amazing. Because of the scope of the project, the author does give some exposition (this is especially common when he transitions from one character to another, he'll take a few paragraphs and tell you what is happening both with the character and the war). I understand why he did it and I often skimmed this but it didn't take away from the books in any real way. The character development in this book is so amazing, I have absolutely fallen in love with the Thomas family. The problems the characters face are real life problems that I often didn't have an answer to right away. I love how diverse the cast is and I love the way Hughes has his characters face social problems that really made me think about our world today and how I feel and act. Reading this series has been life changing for me.  As Long as I Have You by Dean Hughes  I have to admit, when I found out the fifth book took place after the war had ended, I wasn't sure about that. I thought that Hughes should have made the final book longer and just wrapped things up that way. But now that I've read this final book, I understand why (and am glad) he wrote this entire book. One thing that was really important as a reader to understand was that the war wasn't over for anyone who went home. They brought a lot back with them and they really had to fight to get through that and live a normal life again. The war was to horrible to simply walk away from, it left it's mark. I also loved the ending. It was so fitting and so beautiful, it brought tears to my eyes. I don't think I can ever see the world again, reading this series has changed me and the way I think about things (for the better, I believe).