Growing Up Too Fast

There are parts of being a mom that aren't all that fun, I'll admit. Like when your child wakes up at 3:30 in the morning, settles themselves back down, but then you can't fall back asleep for an hour and a half. Or like this morning, when our day started with the sort of blow out diaper that makes you want to take the entire crib--child and all--into the backyard and just spray everything down. 

Honestly, I really didn't want to spend my morning cleaning poop out of stuffed animals, blankets, and the carpet. Messy diapers don't really bother me and I can even handle throw up, but cleaning up stuff like that is just gross, no matter how you look at it. It's not the best part of motherhood, that's for sure. 

But I still can't wish it away. Not right now. 

Right now, I'm feeling a little sentimental. I'm only two months away from a new baby entering my world and Ashtyn just seems to grow faster and faster the older she gets. 

On Sunday, Ashtyn went to nursery for the first time. It was a few weeks early, but with our new callings, Ben and I couldn't take her with us to the block meeting, so off to nursery she went. And she did so great. 

Ben and I walked her over together. She was a little timid coming in, even when I showed her the toys, but she seemed okay. I gave her a kiss goodbye and left to teach my class. Ben stayed to make sure she'd be okay with me gone. 

When Ashtyn noticed I was gone, she asked for me. Ben told her that I was in class and gave her a doll to play with. She sat down to play and Ben told her goodbye. He left and peeked in at her through the window. She was just playing. 

Ben looked in on her a few more times throughout the meeting. Once she was just sitting there, eating their little snack. The next time he checked on her, they were playing ring around the rosies and she was happy as can be. Another little girl came over and gave her a hug and Ashtyn hugged the girl back. 

Ashtyn did great, but I had a harder time. I feel so emotional about leaving my baby in nursery, though I know it's illogical. I kept tearing up during primary when I'd think of her not being with me. I am really glad she did so well, but it still just tears at my heart. 

Ashtyn is my baby. My first baby. And she's growing up way too fast. Every time I look at her, I realize how much like a little girl and not a baby she is. She can eat most everything (except soup and yogurt, because she doesn't quite grasp the spoon concept yet) on her own, count to ten like a champ, sing the alphabet song, identify all her letters, and talk well enough to tell you what she wants (most of the time). Every time I turn around, she's bigger and more grown up. 

I know that she still needs me and that she'll always need me to some extent. I'm just not quite ready for these early days to be disappearing so quickly. I love them, and my precious baby, too much for it. 

So, please, time, just slow down a little and let me enjoy these little moments.