I loved listening to the women's conference session last night. It was a little crazy, between kids, but I really got a lot out of what I did manage to hear.
I have been really struggling with our callings lately. Our ward is so small, we have felt like a lot has been expected of us and neither of us have really liked that. With the two kids, it already feels like we have a lot on our plates.
Ben is the scout master/in the young men's presidency. They only have the presidency, so no leaders for Deacons, Teachers, or Priests (because the ward is so small). This means he is gone every Tuesday evening for mutual, leaves for church early every week to help with the sacrament, often needs to take bread to church, and teaches the third hour of church. For me, that means I am at home by myself with the kids during the hardest part of the day (that stretch from their last nap to bedtime), am getting the kids ready and to church by myself, sit in the first part of sacrament with the kids by myself, have to make sure we have bread in case he needs it, and we have to figure out Parker between our two schedules.
My calling is teaching the four year old primary class. I don't like it. Honestly, it makes me dread church. It's exhausting (after an exhausting sacrament of trying to keep a two year old and a ten month old reverent and happy and still). It seems like they don't get anything out of what I'm teaching. I know they might be but it really doesn't feel like it and that's really discouraging. And then trying to do it while taking care of Parker is annoying and hard.
It's been especially hard these past few months because we've been sick so much. I've had to cancel on my team teacher, which isn't fair to her, and sometimes I have had no clue if my class was even going to have a teacher. Then I feel like I'm not doing a good job with my calling, which makes me want to do it even less.
Then there's Parker schedule, which is annoying enough without added callings on. She normally goes down for her hour and a half morning nap between 10:30 and 11:00. And we have church at 11:00, of course. Previously, we've just put her down early at 10:00 for a short nap and woken her up for church, then brought her back for an early afternoon nap when she got too tired, but lately, she won't go to sleep at 10:00. That means one of us has to leave after taking the sacrament to give her nap, because she simply cannot make it much longer without sleep (and she won't sleep on the go, even nursing, for more than a couple minutes ...). If we're both teaching, then that means we either have to do a ridiculous juggling act in which we both miss part of the class we're teaching or one of us has to find someone else to teach right before church.
I've honestly felt it's ridiculous. Our ward has a lot of older couples and many couples who don't have kids yet. And yet, our primary teachers are all moms with young babies and toddlers. I don't understand why they call moms like that to primary.
During the conference last night, one of the talks told the story of a lady with cancer. The way she got through it was by serving others on her "not so bad" days (maybe twice a month). Another speaker told of a relief society president with cancer who served and loved those she was called to preside over through notes, phone calls, and inviting them to her bedside. These stories brought me to tears.
Hearing that really reminded me that I have a testimony that callings are from God. I know my Heavenly Father wouldn't have called us to these callings if we couldn't do them (maybe only with His help) and if we wouldn't learn a lot from them or be able to serve someone through fulfilling our callings.
It also made me think. If those women, who were so sick they couldn't get out of bed, were in such pain, could only serve a couple days a month because the other days were so bad they literally couldn't function, then can't I serve? I do have young kids and am often tired. Church can be difficult and I often feel burned out of my calling. There are many times I have wished Ben didn't have to leave to do his calling. But I am healthy. I have time. I am able to serve. And I know that God wants me to. It was the perfect reminder and motivator for me.
I know that God lives and loves us all. I know that He only asks of us those things that we can accomplish, and that we can, through His help. I also know that while this may be hard now, I will look back on it in gratitude if I serve with the right heart. And I thank my Heavenly Father for reminding me of that.
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