Bonds that Make us Free - My Thoughts

Ben was recently recommended a book called Bonds that Make us Free. It is a nonfiction, self-help-type book. At first, Ben didn't like it, but continued reading it because of who recommended it to him. As he got into it, though, he quickly realized that it contained life changing principles. 

Here are some of the principles it teaches: 

-Other people are not the problem. The problem is that you see the other person as the problem. 

-When you see other people as the problem, you mistreat them (even if you are trying not to). This allows them to use your behavior and attitude towards them as a justification for their behavior. 

-Collusion is when two people are misbehaving and using the other person's behavior to justify their own behavior. If one person does something to offend, the other person is "justified" in yelling at them. Because the second person yelled at the first, the first is now justified in giving them the silent treatment. And it goes on in a cycle indefinitely, until one of them finally stops. 

-When you change your heart towards others, the Spirit will tell you what the right decision is. Until you change your heart, there is no right decision. Even if you do the "right" thing, if your heart is in the wrong place, you are doing it for the wrong reasons and it is therefore not the right choice still. 

-Our negative feelings toward others are not caused by their behavior towards us (even if that behavior is inappropriate). Our negative feelings toward them are caused by our own hearts. When we see them in a negative way or with a hardened heart, we cause those feelings and mistreat them. When we soften our hearts toward them and see them the way God sees them (as a whole person who makes mistakes), we can easily forgive them and treat them with true charity. 

The ideas found in the book are really important to understand. They help you find a true win-win when it seems impossible, helps you overcome any offenses that you find in others' behavior, and truly learn to love God's children. I don't love the way the book is written or the way some of the ideas are presented, but I still think the book is well worth reading because of the ideas it contains.