Every night after Ashtyn is ready for bed, we sit on her rocking chair and read together. Then I sing her a song and put her in her crib. We started this when she was really young, in the hopes of teaching her to fall asleep on her own and to stay asleep.
It seems to have worked, but now our bedtime routine is honestly one of my favorite parts of the day.
It's the one time Ashtyn will actually sit still with me and give me some snuggles. She loves books, but even when we're reading in the daytime, she is getting up and down and squirming and turning the pages backwards and throwing books all over the place. At bedtime, though, she just sits on my lap and turns the page when it's time and I get to hold her.
Then I sing and she sits still for that too (usually). I think it's just because we've done it so consistently as she's gotten older, she knows what to expect. There are other things in her routine that we miss sometimes (like brushing her teeth or cleaning her room), but I think I've only missed doing this maybe twice since we started.
Our new thing is to finish reading and I'll say to her, "Do you want to snuggle with Mommy now?" She immediately turns around, throws her little arms around my neck, and snuggles her cute little head on my shoulder. She'll stay that way while I sing to her and I just soak it in.
Yesterday, before I was even finished reading, she turned around to snuggle with me and then while I was singing, she kept popping her head up, giving me a kiss (saying "mwah!"), and then putting her head back down. We were giggling together and it was a take-a-picture-in-your-mind-and-remember-this-forever moment.
Ashtyn is such a little sweetheart and I am such a lucky mommy.
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Financial Break Down
Ben and I were talking today about money. We've been looking over his income from last year as we prepare for taxes and his business is really starting to grow. It's exciting, but it also brings a lot of thoughts with it.
One thing that's frustrating is, with moving and preparing for the new baby, our budget is suddenly higher each month. Our health insurance also went up fifty dollars with the new year, which is really frustrating. We want to keep our budget as low as possible, while we save up for our house, but since we're going to be here for another year, we don't want to live so minimally that it's miserable (which is one reason we're doubling our rent).
Here is a basic break down of our finances:
Ben brings in quite a bit with his business. We're very fortunate and Ben has a talent for marketing, so his business has done really well. He has a few places he gets money:
YouTube Ads: He teaches how to program computer games using an engine called GameMaker and puts out his videos for free. He gets about $300 a month from ads on that.
Patreon: Ben's YouTube channel is linked up with a website called Patreon. It's a place where people who like what you do can donate money monthly to help support you. The idea is their donation helps you keep doing what you're doing. This fluctuates around $400 a month.
GameMaker Book: Around when Ashtyn was born, Ben wrote a book on GameMaker Language and keeps it updated as he feels the need. It still brings in quite a bit of money, adding between $1500 and $2500 a month.
Contract work: Ben is working with a guy named Luke on a video game. He gets paid hourly to do this, in chunks of $1000, and when the game is finished, he'll also get profit sharing. It's been a really good learning experience for him and he has really enjoyed working with Luke.
Udemy: This is our biggest source of income. It's nice, too, because we can usually live off of everything else, so everything he makes from here goes to our house savings (after 30% for taxes). Udemy is a site that hosts online courses. Ben made his first course in July (but didn't get paid for that until September, since they pay two months off) and it has been really successful. It still sells well. We usually get between $4000 and $8,000 from it.
This month Ben just released a new course and it's also done really well. It made this month our best month income-wise half way through the month. After launch month (which is always really high) we expect it to add $1000 to $3000 a month.
We have been able o save a lot for our house. What we do each month is tweek our zero based budget for the month, transfer (from Ben's business account) what we need, calculate what we'll probably need for taxes and save a little extra for that, and then transfer the rest to our house savings.
Here's a basic break down of what a typical monthly budget looks like for us (updated for our new apartment, because we had a really good deal staying with Melissa):
Tithing: We pay ten percent of what we pay ourselves as well as what we put into house savings (since that's paying ourselves as well). We pay ten dollars a month in fast offerings and ten dollars a month to the missionary fund.
Rent: we pay $775 in rent, but it's a three bedroom, so we'll be able to write off the square footage of Ben's office come taxes next year. We also pay gas and electric and I expect those to be between $30 and $60 month.
Car: We budget between $20 and $60 a month for gas, depending on how often we go out to West Jordan to visit my family. We do oil changes twice a year and, of course, registration in the summer, but our car doesn't require too much upkeep thankfully.
New baby: We pay our midwife about $400 a month until May. We also budget to stock up on new baby items, around $20 or $30 a month, and we're budgeting extra in food (between $40 and $60) so I can start making freezer meals. We also budget $50 a month for my supplements while I'm pregnant.
Groceries: This is a big expense, even though I try to keep it down. I usually budget around $20 for nonfoods, things like food bags or toothpaste. I'm trying to move towards using reusable everything and making my own supplies (cleaning, toothpaste, etc).
We budget about $100 a month for Costco, where we buy things like coconut oil, olive oil, and maple syrup. We also buy toilet paper and Tide here (as well as diapers and wipes, but that's under our baby fund).
Our actual grocery bill is between $350 and $450 a month, depending on how many weeks I include in that month's budget. I would really like to bring it down, but we eat a lot of proteins like chicken and Greek yogurt and also buy a lot of produce. Before the month begins, I meal prep for the entire month. I then make a grocery list of exactly what we need and we decide our grocery budget from that. I use a few coupons and always check deals/my price lists of stores before shopping.
Baby: We have a separate budget for Ashtyn (and soon, the new baby). This includes diapers, wipes, baby clothes, baby toys, basically anything I want to buy for Ashtyn. It fluctuates a ton, depending on what we need. Diapers adds $40, wipes adds $20. I usually budget an extra $10 to $20 so I can get what I need when I need it for her.
Insurance: We pay $40 a month for car insurance, for Ben and I combined. For health insurance, I'm still on my parent's (luckily) until I'm too old. For Ben and Ashtyn, we have catastrophe insurance. Anything medical up to $15,000 we pay for it, but everything after that, the insurance pays a hundred percent. We basically have it so that if something horrible were to happen (like cancer), we wouldn't end up with millions in medical bills. We don't go to the doctor pretty much ever and we have enough in savings that if something were to happen (like, if Ashtyn broke her arm), we could pay for it with cash, so this isn't a big deal for us. It's $350 a month for the two of them. It's hard to pay that every month, but we know it's important to have it.
Fun money: We do have Netflix, which is about $10 a month for us. We also pay $15 a month for my phone plan (Ben paid for his phone plan all upfront for a better deal). We budget $50 a month for date night and then we pay ourselves $50 a month each as well, to do whatever we want with. We had actually put a pause on paying ourselves when we moved to Vernal, but when we decided to stay another year, we decided to start it up again.
We expect our total budget to usually come out around $2500. Before, it was between $1500 and $2000. But now we have an apartment and a new baby to prepare for.
We feel really fortunate for our income, Ben's job, my ability to stay home, and Dave Ramsey for helping us learn to budget our money. We feel really confident in our finances and know that we're on the right track things.
One thing that's frustrating is, with moving and preparing for the new baby, our budget is suddenly higher each month. Our health insurance also went up fifty dollars with the new year, which is really frustrating. We want to keep our budget as low as possible, while we save up for our house, but since we're going to be here for another year, we don't want to live so minimally that it's miserable (which is one reason we're doubling our rent).
Here is a basic break down of our finances:
Ben brings in quite a bit with his business. We're very fortunate and Ben has a talent for marketing, so his business has done really well. He has a few places he gets money:
YouTube Ads: He teaches how to program computer games using an engine called GameMaker and puts out his videos for free. He gets about $300 a month from ads on that.
Patreon: Ben's YouTube channel is linked up with a website called Patreon. It's a place where people who like what you do can donate money monthly to help support you. The idea is their donation helps you keep doing what you're doing. This fluctuates around $400 a month.
GameMaker Book: Around when Ashtyn was born, Ben wrote a book on GameMaker Language and keeps it updated as he feels the need. It still brings in quite a bit of money, adding between $1500 and $2500 a month.
Contract work: Ben is working with a guy named Luke on a video game. He gets paid hourly to do this, in chunks of $1000, and when the game is finished, he'll also get profit sharing. It's been a really good learning experience for him and he has really enjoyed working with Luke.
Udemy: This is our biggest source of income. It's nice, too, because we can usually live off of everything else, so everything he makes from here goes to our house savings (after 30% for taxes). Udemy is a site that hosts online courses. Ben made his first course in July (but didn't get paid for that until September, since they pay two months off) and it has been really successful. It still sells well. We usually get between $4000 and $8,000 from it.
This month Ben just released a new course and it's also done really well. It made this month our best month income-wise half way through the month. After launch month (which is always really high) we expect it to add $1000 to $3000 a month.
We have been able o save a lot for our house. What we do each month is tweek our zero based budget for the month, transfer (from Ben's business account) what we need, calculate what we'll probably need for taxes and save a little extra for that, and then transfer the rest to our house savings.
Here's a basic break down of what a typical monthly budget looks like for us (updated for our new apartment, because we had a really good deal staying with Melissa):
Tithing: We pay ten percent of what we pay ourselves as well as what we put into house savings (since that's paying ourselves as well). We pay ten dollars a month in fast offerings and ten dollars a month to the missionary fund.
Rent: we pay $775 in rent, but it's a three bedroom, so we'll be able to write off the square footage of Ben's office come taxes next year. We also pay gas and electric and I expect those to be between $30 and $60 month.
Car: We budget between $20 and $60 a month for gas, depending on how often we go out to West Jordan to visit my family. We do oil changes twice a year and, of course, registration in the summer, but our car doesn't require too much upkeep thankfully.
New baby: We pay our midwife about $400 a month until May. We also budget to stock up on new baby items, around $20 or $30 a month, and we're budgeting extra in food (between $40 and $60) so I can start making freezer meals. We also budget $50 a month for my supplements while I'm pregnant.
Groceries: This is a big expense, even though I try to keep it down. I usually budget around $20 for nonfoods, things like food bags or toothpaste. I'm trying to move towards using reusable everything and making my own supplies (cleaning, toothpaste, etc).
We budget about $100 a month for Costco, where we buy things like coconut oil, olive oil, and maple syrup. We also buy toilet paper and Tide here (as well as diapers and wipes, but that's under our baby fund).
Our actual grocery bill is between $350 and $450 a month, depending on how many weeks I include in that month's budget. I would really like to bring it down, but we eat a lot of proteins like chicken and Greek yogurt and also buy a lot of produce. Before the month begins, I meal prep for the entire month. I then make a grocery list of exactly what we need and we decide our grocery budget from that. I use a few coupons and always check deals/my price lists of stores before shopping.
Baby: We have a separate budget for Ashtyn (and soon, the new baby). This includes diapers, wipes, baby clothes, baby toys, basically anything I want to buy for Ashtyn. It fluctuates a ton, depending on what we need. Diapers adds $40, wipes adds $20. I usually budget an extra $10 to $20 so I can get what I need when I need it for her.
Insurance: We pay $40 a month for car insurance, for Ben and I combined. For health insurance, I'm still on my parent's (luckily) until I'm too old. For Ben and Ashtyn, we have catastrophe insurance. Anything medical up to $15,000 we pay for it, but everything after that, the insurance pays a hundred percent. We basically have it so that if something horrible were to happen (like cancer), we wouldn't end up with millions in medical bills. We don't go to the doctor pretty much ever and we have enough in savings that if something were to happen (like, if Ashtyn broke her arm), we could pay for it with cash, so this isn't a big deal for us. It's $350 a month for the two of them. It's hard to pay that every month, but we know it's important to have it.
Fun money: We do have Netflix, which is about $10 a month for us. We also pay $15 a month for my phone plan (Ben paid for his phone plan all upfront for a better deal). We budget $50 a month for date night and then we pay ourselves $50 a month each as well, to do whatever we want with. We had actually put a pause on paying ourselves when we moved to Vernal, but when we decided to stay another year, we decided to start it up again.
We expect our total budget to usually come out around $2500. Before, it was between $1500 and $2000. But now we have an apartment and a new baby to prepare for.
We feel really fortunate for our income, Ben's job, my ability to stay home, and Dave Ramsey for helping us learn to budget our money. We feel really confident in our finances and know that we're on the right track things.
Monday, January 25, 2016
Ashtyn's Signs
Ashtyn loves to sign. She loves watching signing time, she loves when we sign to her, and she loves trying new signs. She sure tries, but she can't quite get all of them and she almost always does every sign with both hands. It's really cute. Here are some of the signs she does.
Please. You rub your flat palm over your heart in a circle. She does with both hands and if it's something she really wants, she does it very enthusiastically.
More. You pinch your fingertips together on both hands and tap them together. She used to only use her pointer fingers (which is the sign for owie), which was really cute, but now she pushes her pointer finger and thumb together as hard as she can. It's super cute. She uses this one all the time.
Hat. You pat your head. She loves hats and she loves the sign for hat.
Bird. You put your hand in front of your mouth and make a beak with your fingers. Ashtyn does it with her hand facing her face (and sometimes even accidentally pokes her eye) but her attempt is really cute. Ashtyn really loves birds right now.
Flower. You pinch your fingertips together and bring them to your nose like you're smelling a flower. Ashtyn, again, does with her pointer finger and thumb pressed together, but it's cute. She also really loves flowers right now (I think mainly because she knows how to sign it).
All done. You turn both hands back and forth up in the air. She does this when she wants to be done with something (like if I'm clipping her nails or changing her diaper but am not actually finished yet) or mainly when she wants out of her chair.
Red. You use your pointer finger and draw it from your lips down your chin. I think red is her favorite color. She knows how to identify it and always does the sign when she sees it.
Green, yellow, blue, purple. You sign the first letter of the word and shake it. For all of these, she pinches her pointer finger and thumb together and shakes that. Sometimes she'll get closer on yellow or blue. Sometimes.
Orange. You squeeze your fist like you're squeezing an orange under your chin. This is for both the color and the fruit. She loves this one. Sometimes she'll do it when there isn't any orange around.
Apple. You bend your pointer finger and turn our knuckle on your chin. Ashtyn actually gets pretty close with this one. Whenever she sees an apple or a picture of an apple, she'll say it and sign it. She loves to eat whole apples and actually gets the majority of it eaten (over the course of a few hours).
Cheese. You rub your flat palms together. This is one of the first signs Ashtyn learned (and she's really good at it), because she loves, loves, loves cheese. We usually eat apples and cheese together as a snack.
Water. You sign W and tap it against your chin. She doesn't make the W, but she taps her hand against her chin and says a word that sort of sounds like water, so I almost always know what she means. She says it often and loves to drink water.
Bread. You make a fist and your other hand, flat, cuts the bread. Ashtyn doesn't quite get the mechanics of this one, but she loves to try. She does this the most often when we're in church waiting for the sacrament.
Baby. You cradle your arms and 'rock' the baby. This is one of Ashtyn's favorite signs (and words). She loves babies and baby dolls and pictures of babies. She does this sign all the time, even if there isn't actually a baby around.
Outside. You open and close your hand while moving it 'outside'. Ashtyn doesn't go outside tons right now, since it's freezing, but she loves looking out the window and when it was warm, she loved going outside (that was how Ben's dad got her to go to him at first). She's actually pretty good at signing this.
Hot. You cup your mouth, then turn your hand away. Ashtyn loves the sign for hot. She will stand in front of the stove at Ben's parents house and sign it over and over again. Anytime she sees steam or something similar to steam or sees me cooking, she'll sign it. She'll also do it when I give her food, whether it's hot or not. Sometimes when she first was learning it, we'd go outside and she'd sign it (she didn't know that cold was different than hot).
Cold. You make fists and shake your arms. Ashtyn also loves this one. Anytime we go outside, she signs it (I think because we taught her to, not because she's actually that cold). She does it sometimes with a closed fist and sometimes with her hands flat and open. Either way, it's cute.
Warm. You cup your hands over your mouth and then open your fingers. Ashtyn does this most often when standing in front of the heating vent.
Food/eat. You scrunch up your fingertips and mime like you're putting food in your mouth. Ashtyn usually does this only after I ask if she wants to eat or wants food. She gets really excited though. She loves eating.
One. Same as normal life, you hold up your pointer finger. Ashtyn can do one and five, but she can't get the numbers inbetween yet.
The letter O. You make an O with your hand. Ashtyn loves signing O, whenever she sees one. She scrunches up her hand into a fist, but it's close and really, really cute. She knows some other letters (A, B, D, H, K, M--sometimes, a lot of times, M is also W--, O, R, S, T, W, and Y), but other than signing B with me sometimes, she doesn't ever sign the others. She loves when I sign them though.
She also loves to copy new signs, especially while watching Signing Time in the morning. Some of her favorites are old, sports, football, ball, walk, and march.
I'm sure I'm missing some here. She's learning so fast and loves to move, including her hands. I think she makes up signs, because sometimes she'll do something that looks like a sign but I have no idea what it means. I really want to teach her more signs, especially for food and animals (food, so when she says please maybe I'll know what she means and animals because animals are her favorite thing). That means I'll have to learn them first, though.
It's really fun to be learning these and to see how much Ashtyn loves learning them. I know how good it is for kids to learn sign language, but I think it's also really good for the parents.
This is definitely something I want to keep doing with all our subsequent kids.
Please. You rub your flat palm over your heart in a circle. She does with both hands and if it's something she really wants, she does it very enthusiastically.
More. You pinch your fingertips together on both hands and tap them together. She used to only use her pointer fingers (which is the sign for owie), which was really cute, but now she pushes her pointer finger and thumb together as hard as she can. It's super cute. She uses this one all the time.
Hat. You pat your head. She loves hats and she loves the sign for hat.
Bird. You put your hand in front of your mouth and make a beak with your fingers. Ashtyn does it with her hand facing her face (and sometimes even accidentally pokes her eye) but her attempt is really cute. Ashtyn really loves birds right now.
Flower. You pinch your fingertips together and bring them to your nose like you're smelling a flower. Ashtyn, again, does with her pointer finger and thumb pressed together, but it's cute. She also really loves flowers right now (I think mainly because she knows how to sign it).
All done. You turn both hands back and forth up in the air. She does this when she wants to be done with something (like if I'm clipping her nails or changing her diaper but am not actually finished yet) or mainly when she wants out of her chair.
Red. You use your pointer finger and draw it from your lips down your chin. I think red is her favorite color. She knows how to identify it and always does the sign when she sees it.
Green, yellow, blue, purple. You sign the first letter of the word and shake it. For all of these, she pinches her pointer finger and thumb together and shakes that. Sometimes she'll get closer on yellow or blue. Sometimes.
Orange. You squeeze your fist like you're squeezing an orange under your chin. This is for both the color and the fruit. She loves this one. Sometimes she'll do it when there isn't any orange around.
Apple. You bend your pointer finger and turn our knuckle on your chin. Ashtyn actually gets pretty close with this one. Whenever she sees an apple or a picture of an apple, she'll say it and sign it. She loves to eat whole apples and actually gets the majority of it eaten (over the course of a few hours).
Cheese. You rub your flat palms together. This is one of the first signs Ashtyn learned (and she's really good at it), because she loves, loves, loves cheese. We usually eat apples and cheese together as a snack.
Water. You sign W and tap it against your chin. She doesn't make the W, but she taps her hand against her chin and says a word that sort of sounds like water, so I almost always know what she means. She says it often and loves to drink water.
Bread. You make a fist and your other hand, flat, cuts the bread. Ashtyn doesn't quite get the mechanics of this one, but she loves to try. She does this the most often when we're in church waiting for the sacrament.
Baby. You cradle your arms and 'rock' the baby. This is one of Ashtyn's favorite signs (and words). She loves babies and baby dolls and pictures of babies. She does this sign all the time, even if there isn't actually a baby around.
Outside. You open and close your hand while moving it 'outside'. Ashtyn doesn't go outside tons right now, since it's freezing, but she loves looking out the window and when it was warm, she loved going outside (that was how Ben's dad got her to go to him at first). She's actually pretty good at signing this.
Hot. You cup your mouth, then turn your hand away. Ashtyn loves the sign for hot. She will stand in front of the stove at Ben's parents house and sign it over and over again. Anytime she sees steam or something similar to steam or sees me cooking, she'll sign it. She'll also do it when I give her food, whether it's hot or not. Sometimes when she first was learning it, we'd go outside and she'd sign it (she didn't know that cold was different than hot).
Cold. You make fists and shake your arms. Ashtyn also loves this one. Anytime we go outside, she signs it (I think because we taught her to, not because she's actually that cold). She does it sometimes with a closed fist and sometimes with her hands flat and open. Either way, it's cute.
Warm. You cup your hands over your mouth and then open your fingers. Ashtyn does this most often when standing in front of the heating vent.
Food/eat. You scrunch up your fingertips and mime like you're putting food in your mouth. Ashtyn usually does this only after I ask if she wants to eat or wants food. She gets really excited though. She loves eating.
One. Same as normal life, you hold up your pointer finger. Ashtyn can do one and five, but she can't get the numbers inbetween yet.
The letter O. You make an O with your hand. Ashtyn loves signing O, whenever she sees one. She scrunches up her hand into a fist, but it's close and really, really cute. She knows some other letters (A, B, D, H, K, M--sometimes, a lot of times, M is also W--, O, R, S, T, W, and Y), but other than signing B with me sometimes, she doesn't ever sign the others. She loves when I sign them though.
She also loves to copy new signs, especially while watching Signing Time in the morning. Some of her favorites are old, sports, football, ball, walk, and march.
I'm sure I'm missing some here. She's learning so fast and loves to move, including her hands. I think she makes up signs, because sometimes she'll do something that looks like a sign but I have no idea what it means. I really want to teach her more signs, especially for food and animals (food, so when she says please maybe I'll know what she means and animals because animals are her favorite thing). That means I'll have to learn them first, though.
It's really fun to be learning these and to see how much Ashtyn loves learning them. I know how good it is for kids to learn sign language, but I think it's also really good for the parents.
This is definitely something I want to keep doing with all our subsequent kids.
Sunday, January 24, 2016
The Light at the End of the Tunnel
This month has been hard on me. I was expecting to move into our new apartment on the second of January and I had all sorts of plans and goals.
I wanted to go through all our stuff as we were moving and get rid of a bunch of it. I want to live a minimalist lifestyle, but I am the kind of person to hang onto things. I want to consciously change that and only keep in our home what we need and use. Our stuff is either packed in the underworld (which you have to crouch to get into) or packed in boxes for moving. This makes it difficult to go through everything systematically, not to mention I don't know yet for sure everything we'll need in our apartment or am able to find a home for everything. It all just goes in boxes right now.
I had all sorts of plans for grocery shopping, cooking, and food. They all involved systems and lists and things that I can't really do all the way while sharing a kitchen.
I have ideas for systems to keep our apartment cleaner and to have certain times I want it to be clean. But, sharing a kitchen and not having our own place makes those either harder or impossible as well.
I could go on and on, with goals for time spent with both Ben and Ashtyn, with crafts and projects I want to be working on, for organizing and time management, for exercise. But I'll just leave it with this. I had a lot I wanted to do, with the New Year, and it was frustrating to not be able to do everything I wanted to.
Really frustrating.
We couldn't move into our new apartment right away because there was a family living there. They could move into their new apartment on the fifteenth and then our landlords wanted to paint it before we moved in. I figured, a couple days for the other family to move, a couple days for the painting to be done and we'd be in.
Well, the Monday after the fifteenth, I talked with our landlady, because I really just wanted to know. She basically said the family wasn't our yet and she didn't know when they would be. They did know they were painting Saturday (yesterday), but she knew it would be ready by the first of February.
That was really hard for me. I was trying to be patient, but I'm done sharing a house with someone else. I am ready to move to our own place and every little thing about sharing a house, all those things that were fine and okay before, seemed to be a bigger deal. I really struggled with hard feelings towards the family that was moving out. I just didn't understand how it could take them so long to move.
Yesterday, though, we got a piece of good news.
Our landlady texted me and told me the apartment would be ready probably Tuesday or Wednesday! Meaning we can move in almost a week sooner than planned.
I am so happy. I mean, SO happy.
It truly is a light at the end of the tunnel for me right now.
I wanted to go through all our stuff as we were moving and get rid of a bunch of it. I want to live a minimalist lifestyle, but I am the kind of person to hang onto things. I want to consciously change that and only keep in our home what we need and use. Our stuff is either packed in the underworld (which you have to crouch to get into) or packed in boxes for moving. This makes it difficult to go through everything systematically, not to mention I don't know yet for sure everything we'll need in our apartment or am able to find a home for everything. It all just goes in boxes right now.
I had all sorts of plans for grocery shopping, cooking, and food. They all involved systems and lists and things that I can't really do all the way while sharing a kitchen.
I have ideas for systems to keep our apartment cleaner and to have certain times I want it to be clean. But, sharing a kitchen and not having our own place makes those either harder or impossible as well.
I could go on and on, with goals for time spent with both Ben and Ashtyn, with crafts and projects I want to be working on, for organizing and time management, for exercise. But I'll just leave it with this. I had a lot I wanted to do, with the New Year, and it was frustrating to not be able to do everything I wanted to.
Really frustrating.
We couldn't move into our new apartment right away because there was a family living there. They could move into their new apartment on the fifteenth and then our landlords wanted to paint it before we moved in. I figured, a couple days for the other family to move, a couple days for the painting to be done and we'd be in.
Well, the Monday after the fifteenth, I talked with our landlady, because I really just wanted to know. She basically said the family wasn't our yet and she didn't know when they would be. They did know they were painting Saturday (yesterday), but she knew it would be ready by the first of February.
That was really hard for me. I was trying to be patient, but I'm done sharing a house with someone else. I am ready to move to our own place and every little thing about sharing a house, all those things that were fine and okay before, seemed to be a bigger deal. I really struggled with hard feelings towards the family that was moving out. I just didn't understand how it could take them so long to move.
Yesterday, though, we got a piece of good news.
Our landlady texted me and told me the apartment would be ready probably Tuesday or Wednesday! Meaning we can move in almost a week sooner than planned.
I am so happy. I mean, SO happy.
It truly is a light at the end of the tunnel for me right now.
Saturday, January 23, 2016
Feeling Mom Guilt
Sometimes our kids do things or things happen and we feel guilty for it even though we shouldn't or even if we should, the best thing we could do is to move on and do better next time.
It's much easier said than done, though.
This happens to me sometimes when Ashtyn gets a diaper rash. Especially if it's a bad one. She might have messed her diaper right before her nap and slept in it, something I have no control over. Or I might just not have noticed until later. And sometimes I'll change it right away and she still gets a rash (I'm not sure how that works). But however it happens, it feels like my fault. I should have changed it sooner. I should have been paying closer attention. This is my job as a mom. And now she's in pain because I didn't do it right.
But of course, that's not how it works.
I've been thinking about this because yesterday we had our first really scary incident with Ashtyn. She is in a climbing phase and would climb up and down anything all day long. She loves to close the lid to her training potty (which she has purely to "get comfortable" with it, we're not even close to potty training), stand up on top of it, and dance.
She falls a lot, but since it's on carpet and she falls a lot even when she's on solid ground, we let her. It's harmless, I thought.
Well, yesterday she fell off it and it was a little too close to the bed. She hit her head on the sharp corner of the metal bed frame and got quite the gash in her eyebrow. It really scared me.
We stopped the little bit of bleeding and put a band aid with neosporin on it. She was tough and cried for maybe a minute (probably less) after hitting her head and then was totally calm while we did the band aid stuff. Then it was right back up on the training potty (moved safely away from the bed, of course) to dance some more.
For me, the rest of the evening was spent in stress. I was continually trying to keep Ashtyn from yanking her band aid off. Every time she fell or tumbled or tripped (which is all the time, she loves to move, but she's very fire-aim), my heart would sink into my stomach and I was worried she'd bump her cut. When I put her to bed, I kept worried she'd yank her band aid off and reopen the wound or that it would hurt her and she wouldn't sleep very well (she did wake up once in the night, but quieted down before I had a chance to go in to her).
But mostly, I felt guilty. I was the one who had let her dance up there even though she kept falling. I didn't check to make sure it was far enough away from stuff. And I wasn't watching her super closely either. It seemed like this cut was my fault.
Now, I know that's not true. We are very careful and diligent when it comes to Ashtyn's safety. I've watched numerous videos on how to properly buckle her into the car, I'm always trying to give her healthier food, and I always check for dangers wherever we go.
The honest truth is, though, no matter how vigilant you are, they always find something.
They find something to climb.
They find something small on the ground that you missed.
They find the one place that isn't very safe and play there.
They always find something and you just have to watch them. And when they get hurt, you help them feel better.
No need for mommy guilt.
It's much easier said than done, though.
This happens to me sometimes when Ashtyn gets a diaper rash. Especially if it's a bad one. She might have messed her diaper right before her nap and slept in it, something I have no control over. Or I might just not have noticed until later. And sometimes I'll change it right away and she still gets a rash (I'm not sure how that works). But however it happens, it feels like my fault. I should have changed it sooner. I should have been paying closer attention. This is my job as a mom. And now she's in pain because I didn't do it right.
But of course, that's not how it works.
I've been thinking about this because yesterday we had our first really scary incident with Ashtyn. She is in a climbing phase and would climb up and down anything all day long. She loves to close the lid to her training potty (which she has purely to "get comfortable" with it, we're not even close to potty training), stand up on top of it, and dance.
She falls a lot, but since it's on carpet and she falls a lot even when she's on solid ground, we let her. It's harmless, I thought.
Well, yesterday she fell off it and it was a little too close to the bed. She hit her head on the sharp corner of the metal bed frame and got quite the gash in her eyebrow. It really scared me.
We stopped the little bit of bleeding and put a band aid with neosporin on it. She was tough and cried for maybe a minute (probably less) after hitting her head and then was totally calm while we did the band aid stuff. Then it was right back up on the training potty (moved safely away from the bed, of course) to dance some more.
For me, the rest of the evening was spent in stress. I was continually trying to keep Ashtyn from yanking her band aid off. Every time she fell or tumbled or tripped (which is all the time, she loves to move, but she's very fire-aim), my heart would sink into my stomach and I was worried she'd bump her cut. When I put her to bed, I kept worried she'd yank her band aid off and reopen the wound or that it would hurt her and she wouldn't sleep very well (she did wake up once in the night, but quieted down before I had a chance to go in to her).
But mostly, I felt guilty. I was the one who had let her dance up there even though she kept falling. I didn't check to make sure it was far enough away from stuff. And I wasn't watching her super closely either. It seemed like this cut was my fault.
Now, I know that's not true. We are very careful and diligent when it comes to Ashtyn's safety. I've watched numerous videos on how to properly buckle her into the car, I'm always trying to give her healthier food, and I always check for dangers wherever we go.
The honest truth is, though, no matter how vigilant you are, they always find something.
They find something to climb.
They find something small on the ground that you missed.
They find the one place that isn't very safe and play there.
They always find something and you just have to watch them. And when they get hurt, you help them feel better.
No need for mommy guilt.
Friday, January 22, 2016
We're All Sick
It started with me. I had a terrible, terrible sore throat last week. I did everything I could to make it go away and it did, though it still hurts every morning when I wake up for about half an hour.
Ashtyn got a really runny rose about the time I got sick.
We seemed to be getting better, but then a few days ago, it suddenly got worse. Now Ben is getting sick too.
Ashtyn has a stuffy nose and every once in a while, she coughs this horrible sounding cough. It's so sad. Luckily, she's eating fine, is still happy, and is sleeping longer, actually.
Ben has a head ache, a scratchy throat, and a stuffy nose.
I have a horrible stuffy nose, the kind that makes your face hurt, and I think it's making me queasy.
Ashtyn seems to have a stuffy nose and that's it.
Now it's time to go into get-rid-of-these-colds-mode and go crazy with garlic, honey, and essential oils.
Hopefully it works quickly.
Ashtyn got a really runny rose about the time I got sick.
We seemed to be getting better, but then a few days ago, it suddenly got worse. Now Ben is getting sick too.
Ashtyn has a stuffy nose and every once in a while, she coughs this horrible sounding cough. It's so sad. Luckily, she's eating fine, is still happy, and is sleeping longer, actually.
Ben has a head ache, a scratchy throat, and a stuffy nose.
I have a horrible stuffy nose, the kind that makes your face hurt, and I think it's making me queasy.
Ashtyn seems to have a stuffy nose and that's it.
Now it's time to go into get-rid-of-these-colds-mode and go crazy with garlic, honey, and essential oils.
Hopefully it works quickly.
Thursday, January 21, 2016
Cute Things Ashtyn Does
Put her stuffed animals or dolls on the rocking chair and then rock them.
Kiss her dolls or people and say "muah!"
Randomly come up and give you a hug, sometimes from behind.
When I exercise after she's awake, she either tries to do it with me or tries to use me as a jungle gym.
Empty boxes or buckets. And refill them. And empty them. And refill them.
Turn the TV on and off and on and off again. Because, buttons.
Sit and "read".
Babble, babble, babble, talk, talk, talk.
Squint her eyes and give you a huge, cheesy grin.
When she wants out of her high chair, she throws all her food on the ground and signs "done"!
Signing and saying please whenever she wants something. And let's be honest, she gets it, because that is too cute to say no to.
When about to do something she's not supposed to (grab my phone, play with the computer downstairs, etc.), she looks at it, looks at you, gives a mischievous grin, looks at it again, and then does it.
Dance, to music or the blender or any noise that might remotely resemble music. And you should see some of the dance moves she and Elizabeth come up with together, it's hilarious.
Go up to baby Thomas and give him hugs. Or go up to him and put her face right next to his and say "Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi," while he grins at her.
Touch your nose or eye or mouth and say what it is.
Try to find my belly button. Then pat my stomach, say baby, and lay her head on it.
Feel Daddy's whiskers, then try to feel my (nonexistent) whiskers.
Get excited to put on her socks or her boots. I bribe her to sit in my lap so I can get her dressed by telling her that I'll put her socks on.
Sign anything. And she signs all the time.
Say anything. And she talks all the time.
Run. And walk. And jump.
There are way too many things, because everything Ashtyn does is cute. I know I'm biased, but I honestly don't think there was ever a cuter little girl anywhere. I feel so lucky to get to spend so much time with her. She's growing up way too fast and there's nothing I can do about it. But honestly? I wouldn't want to do anything about it.
Because being here with her, while she's growing up, is probably the best thing in the world.
Kiss her dolls or people and say "muah!"
Randomly come up and give you a hug, sometimes from behind.
When I exercise after she's awake, she either tries to do it with me or tries to use me as a jungle gym.
Empty boxes or buckets. And refill them. And empty them. And refill them.
Turn the TV on and off and on and off again. Because, buttons.
Sit and "read".
Babble, babble, babble, talk, talk, talk.
Squint her eyes and give you a huge, cheesy grin.
When she wants out of her high chair, she throws all her food on the ground and signs "done"!
Signing and saying please whenever she wants something. And let's be honest, she gets it, because that is too cute to say no to.
When about to do something she's not supposed to (grab my phone, play with the computer downstairs, etc.), she looks at it, looks at you, gives a mischievous grin, looks at it again, and then does it.
Dance, to music or the blender or any noise that might remotely resemble music. And you should see some of the dance moves she and Elizabeth come up with together, it's hilarious.
Go up to baby Thomas and give him hugs. Or go up to him and put her face right next to his and say "Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi," while he grins at her.
Touch your nose or eye or mouth and say what it is.
Try to find my belly button. Then pat my stomach, say baby, and lay her head on it.
Feel Daddy's whiskers, then try to feel my (nonexistent) whiskers.
Get excited to put on her socks or her boots. I bribe her to sit in my lap so I can get her dressed by telling her that I'll put her socks on.
Sign anything. And she signs all the time.
Say anything. And she talks all the time.
Run. And walk. And jump.
There are way too many things, because everything Ashtyn does is cute. I know I'm biased, but I honestly don't think there was ever a cuter little girl anywhere. I feel so lucky to get to spend so much time with her. She's growing up way too fast and there's nothing I can do about it. But honestly? I wouldn't want to do anything about it.
Because being here with her, while she's growing up, is probably the best thing in the world.
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