Sometimes our kids do things or things happen and we feel guilty for it even though we shouldn't or even if we should, the best thing we could do is to move on and do better next time.
It's much easier said than done, though.
This happens to me sometimes when Ashtyn gets a diaper rash. Especially if it's a bad one. She might have messed her diaper right before her nap and slept in it, something I have no control over. Or I might just not have noticed until later. And sometimes I'll change it right away and she still gets a rash (I'm not sure how that works). But however it happens, it feels like my fault. I should have changed it sooner. I should have been paying closer attention. This is my job as a mom. And now she's in pain because I didn't do it right.
But of course, that's not how it works.
I've been thinking about this because yesterday we had our first really scary incident with Ashtyn. She is in a climbing phase and would climb up and down anything all day long. She loves to close the lid to her training potty (which she has purely to "get comfortable" with it, we're not even close to potty training), stand up on top of it, and dance.
She falls a lot, but since it's on carpet and she falls a lot even when she's on solid ground, we let her. It's harmless, I thought.
Well, yesterday she fell off it and it was a little too close to the bed. She hit her head on the sharp corner of the metal bed frame and got quite the gash in her eyebrow. It really scared me.
We stopped the little bit of bleeding and put a band aid with neosporin on it. She was tough and cried for maybe a minute (probably less) after hitting her head and then was totally calm while we did the band aid stuff. Then it was right back up on the training potty (moved safely away from the bed, of course) to dance some more.
For me, the rest of the evening was spent in stress. I was continually trying to keep Ashtyn from yanking her band aid off. Every time she fell or tumbled or tripped (which is all the time, she loves to move, but she's very fire-aim), my heart would sink into my stomach and I was worried she'd bump her cut. When I put her to bed, I kept worried she'd yank her band aid off and reopen the wound or that it would hurt her and she wouldn't sleep very well (she did wake up once in the night, but quieted down before I had a chance to go in to her).
But mostly, I felt guilty. I was the one who had let her dance up there even though she kept falling. I didn't check to make sure it was far enough away from stuff. And I wasn't watching her super closely either. It seemed like this cut was my fault.
Now, I know that's not true. We are very careful and diligent when it comes to Ashtyn's safety. I've watched numerous videos on how to properly buckle her into the car, I'm always trying to give her healthier food, and I always check for dangers wherever we go.
The honest truth is, though, no matter how vigilant you are, they always find something.
They find something to climb.
They find something small on the ground that you missed.
They find the one place that isn't very safe and play there.
They always find something and you just have to watch them. And when they get hurt, you help them feel better.
No need for mommy guilt.
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